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odielovessoccer's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids
by me / 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Missouri) / Love
by Thankshun / 03/04/2013 at 6:03pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
by xtammyle / 02/19/2013 at 2:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
by MsCobb / 02/16/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML
by assoutofuandme / 02/14/2013 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Transportation
by tongue tied / 02/11/2013 at 3:57am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/08/2013 at 5:38pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Miscellaneous
Today, after heavy rain my street flooded. While in my living room, I looked outside to see that my elderly neighbour was outside splashing in a knee deep puddle. He was butt-naked and wearing a snorkel and flippers. FML
by Stunned / 02/04/2013 at 4:15am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard… Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry… Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off,…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual…