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octopussperm125

Offline (the 10/04/2014 at 9:44am) | Search for a member

octopussperm125

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 December 1990 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2891
  • Number of comments : 144
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About octopussperm125 : Idk, i gotta think......



...so i learned i dont like to think.

Thats problably why i've also made so many dumb decisions.

But just remember that bad ideas will become great stories!

octopussperm125's page activity

Visits<b>Space_Teddy</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 10:31pm<b>BFons</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 2:27am<b>angelk19</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 5:26pm<b>GetIt23</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 8:08am<b>stonedfly3</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 6:12am<b>Mindset</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 2:01pm<b>gingerJ</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 11:34am<b>botanistjessica</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 6:05pm<b>ImTheAlpha</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 4:21pm<b>JokerJ312</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 3:45pm<b>Laxinitup</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 4:19am<b>mahovalia</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 9:09pm<b>mathen</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 3:32am<b>t_tator</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 6:39pm<b>Gundai</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 9:17am<b>wookieewhosshe</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 10:43am<b>NinjaDitto623</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 2:25pm<b>Llama_Face89</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 9:21pm

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octopussperm125's favorite FMLs

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

#20985559
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48454) - you deserved it (4573)

On 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by mistletoe (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my unemployed scumbag boyfriend sold a painting I had just bought so he could buy phoney drugs that he told me he had quit. FML

#20985382
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38747) - you deserved it (15670)

On 12/08/2013 at 6:44pm - love - by GetOutOfMyHouseLoser - United States

Today, my car wouldn't start because of the cold weather. Since I was at a friend's house, I asked him to jump-start it. After taking about ten minutes to start his vehicle and park it by mine, we found that both of our car hoods were frozen shut. FML

#20984021
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38969) - you deserved it (3447)

On 12/07/2013 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

#20982904
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48472) - you deserved it (8059)

On 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by fuckadaisical (woman) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they cannot get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML

#20979023
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41189) - you deserved it (6342)

On 12/03/2013 at 1:09am - misc - by Kyle - United States (Washington)

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44261) - you deserved it (19856)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

#20977212
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39302) - you deserved it (3802)

On 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

#20975844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45477) - you deserved it (6470)

On 11/30/2013 at 2:21pm - money - by yulis (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

#20974338
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22613) - you deserved it (35919)

On 11/29/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML

#20972427
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40471) - you deserved it (3812)

On 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

#20972428
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39420) - you deserved it (3787)

On 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm - misc - by paranoid neighborhood - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44850) - you deserved it (4727)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

#20969751
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55098) - you deserved it (5818)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by LadyLola (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML



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