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octopussperm125

Offline (the 11/13/2014 at 7:01am) | Search for a member

octopussperm125

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 December 1990 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3205
  • Number of comments : 147
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About octopussperm125 : Idk, i gotta think......



...so i learned i dont like to think.

Thats problably why i've also made so many dumb decisions.

But just remember that bad ideas will become great stories!

octopussperm125's page activity

Visits<b>Eyeslick</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 6:44pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 2:33am<b>odamaliekh</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 6:04pm<b>BFons</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 11:58pm<b>Moklon</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 9:18pm<b>ajeppsen</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 6:08am<b>grunt2423</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 10:30pm<b>Space_Teddy</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 10:31pm<b>angelk19</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 5:26pm<b>GetIt23</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 8:08am<b>stonedfly3</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 6:12am<b>Mindset</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 2:01pm<b>gingerJ</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 11:34am<b>botanistjessica</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 6:05pm<b>ImTheAlpha</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 4:21pm<b>JokerJ312</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 3:45pm<b>Laxinitup</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 4:19am<b>mahovalia</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 9:09pm

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octopussperm125's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband cracked a "rectum? damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

#21062405
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38281) - you deserved it (4280)

On 02/16/2014 at 12:30pm - misc - by shanti (woman) -

Today, I was grading work my students had done with a sub. I realized one student had gotten hold of the teachers' edition of the textbook when I read ten papers in a row that had "Student answers may vary" as the answer to problem number four. My students can't even cheat properly. FML

#21061154
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51026) - you deserved it (5071)

On 02/15/2014 at 2:11am - work - by chinaski7628 - United States (California)

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

#21060563
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54921) - you deserved it (5247)

On 02/14/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by accident (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46407) - you deserved it (6557)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, during an important exam, I had a huge panic attack and had to run out of the exam hall. Everyone saw me, and now everywhere I go, people keep pretending to have a panic attack and run away from me. I have to spend two more years with these assholes. FML

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

#21058421
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50000) - you deserved it (3939)

On 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Parusu - United States (Florida)

Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML

#21056009
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41222) - you deserved it (7239)

On 02/10/2014 at 1:42am - kids - by aarong (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

#21054564
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32120) - you deserved it (17027)

On 02/08/2014 at 3:54pm - misc - by fuck you, dad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48603) - you deserved it (9544)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

#21053668
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44062) - you deserved it (9463)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm - love - by mariana (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

#21050725
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35916) - you deserved it (40384)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

#21047796
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40657) - you deserved it (6282)

On 02/02/2014 at 1:33am - misc - by tsukinoie - United States

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

#21046533
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55781) - you deserved it (6186) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm - intimacy - by prochainefois (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

#21042693
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39677) - you deserved it (5081)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:22am - animals - by Pooper scooper - Guam

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

#21042040
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21200) - you deserved it (56096)

On 01/27/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by :( (man) - Algeria



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