Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

octopussperm125

Offline (14 hours ago) | Search for a member

octopussperm125

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 December 1990 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2627
  • Number of comments : 141
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About octopussperm125 : Idk, i gotta think......



...so i learned i dont like to think.

Thats problably why i've also made so many dumb decisions.

But just remember that bad ideas will become great stories!

octopussperm125's page activity

Visits<b>lilpsyco</b> - one hour ago<b>ksmith233</b> - 7 hours ago<b>Wyseguy</b> - 7 hours ago<b>drunkmunkey</b> - 9 hours ago<b>tostada1011</b> - 14 hours ago<b>Ethan4an</b> - 17 hours ago<b>markcallanan_</b> - 18 hours ago<b>Falkin0113</b> - 19 hours ago<b>cdawg69</b> - 19 hours ago<b>JuggaloSimms1441</b> - 20 hours ago<b>SaintGoobers</b> - 20 hours ago<b>Preposterous</b> - 20 hours ago<b>candyolympics</b> - yesterday at 2:45am<b>j_cat187</b> - yesterday at 5:06pm<b>_mittlieder_</b> - yesterday at 10:01am<b>Quackadoodledoo</b> - yesterday at 9:45am<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 4:46pm<b>Godsofdracos</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 3:16pm

octopussperm125's FML badges

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of octopussperm125's badges

octopussperm125's favorite FMLs

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46324) - you deserved it (6549)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, during an important exam, I had a huge panic attack and had to run out of the exam hall. Everyone saw me, and now everywhere I go, people keep pretending to have a panic attack and run away from me. I have to spend two more years with these assholes. FML

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

#21058421
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49927) - you deserved it (3937)

On 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Parusu - United States (Florida)

Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML

#21056009
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41154) - you deserved it (7225)

On 02/10/2014 at 1:42am - kids - by aarong (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

#21054564
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31486) - you deserved it (16713)

On 02/08/2014 at 3:54pm - misc - by fuck you, dad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48416) - you deserved it (9528)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

#21053668
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43452) - you deserved it (9329)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm - love - by mariana (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

#21050725
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35878) - you deserved it (40335)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

#21047796
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40615) - you deserved it (6277)

On 02/02/2014 at 1:33am - misc - by tsukinoie - United States

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

#21046533
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54400) - you deserved it (6011) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm - intimacy - by prochainefois (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

#21042693
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39616) - you deserved it (5078)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:22am - animals - by Pooper scooper - Guam

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

#21042040
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21171) - you deserved it (56038)

On 01/27/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by :( (man) - Algeria

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41388) - you deserved it (12487)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

#21039368
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43740) - you deserved it (6732)

On 01/25/2014 at 10:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55906) - you deserved it (8988)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: