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octeight

Offline (the 05/22/2015 at 2:08am) | Search for a member

octeight

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 231
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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octeight's page activity

Visits<b>Teton77</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 11:20pm<b>redstone7693</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 7:53pm<b>angiotensin</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 1:34pm<b>Wedees</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 10:22am

octeight's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of octeight's badges

octeight's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

#21399850
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32365) - you deserved it (3076)

On 04/26/2015 at 4:19am - love - by fuck you (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

#21389976
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17305) - you deserved it (32327)

On 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm - misc - by S to the HIT (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

#21382327
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28497) - you deserved it (3033)

On 03/27/2015 at 9:29am - kids - by njh - Ireland

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

#21318416
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35362) - you deserved it (6543)

On 12/16/2014 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Extravirgin (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28758) - you deserved it (24138)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35703) - you deserved it (3744)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

#21244858
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44985) - you deserved it (8017)

On 08/25/2014 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, one of my year 9 students finished the test an hour early. He decided to spend the time by "stealthily" whacking off. His entire desk was shaking in a silent room. FML

Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML

#21091940
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16969) - you deserved it (64502)

On 03/20/2014 at 5:03pm - misc - by screwed (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

#21073034
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17325) - you deserved it (55127)

On 02/27/2014 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my mom isn't coming to see me for Christmas. Instead she'll be spending it in jail for a DUI and battery. Thank you to my cocklick of an aunt for taking a recovering alcoholic to a bar and pressuring her into relapse. FML

#21003791
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45796) - you deserved it (2992)

On 12/24/2013 at 3:48pm - misc - by jhulich (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

#20905869
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45306) - you deserved it (4718)

On 10/03/2013 at 11:38am - intimacy - by EconM - United States

Today, I sent a student to the dean for trying to smoke pot in my class. His mother called to complain that I publicly humiliated her son. FML

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

#20866525
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23611) - you deserved it (37454)

On 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm - health - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

#20827779
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46478) - you deserved it (6219)

On 08/08/2013 at 7:03pm - kids - by JuggaloSlasher15 (woman) - United States (California)



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