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TODAY, I HAD TO BUY GROCERIESHILE SUFFERING HORRIBLE MORNING SICKNESS. MY NAUSEA MAGNIFIED AS I STOOD IN LINE BEHIND AN OBESE LADY WEARING A TANK TOP AND TINY SHORT SHORTS. I LOST EVERYTHING IN MY STOMACHHEN SHE STUCK HER HAND DOWN HER SHORTS AND STARTED SCRATCHING AT HER ASS-CRACK. FML
Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML
Today , My Teacher's Comments On My Essay Read , "I Know It's College , But U Use A Lot Of Unnecessary Words With A Lot Of Syllables." He Basically Scoldd Me Fir Having A Complex Vocabulary . I Go To An Accreditd State University . Nothing Says "America" Like Under-achieving Professors . FML
Taday my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase bieng dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate ( Who raised u to be such a pig? ) Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question . FML
2day I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week . We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy . Great, my dog is a racist . FML
TODAY, I TOOK A PREGNANCY TEST. I WAS DISAPPOINTED IT WAS NEGATIVE, AS MAH FIANCÉ AN I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR FOUR YEARS AN HAVE A STRONG RELATIONSHIP. HE DANCED WITH HAPPINESSHEN HE DISCOVERED THE TEST WAS NEGATIVE AN TRIED TO HIGH-FIVE ME. FML
Today, An Incredibly Rude Woman Cummd In Fir A Hardressing Appointment. I Had To Put Up With Bieng Yelld At And Calld A "clumsy Bitch," A "pleb," And Other Insults Fir Almost Half An Hour. When I Finally Managd To Finish Her Hair, Instead Of Tipping Me, She Spat At Mah Feet And Stormd Out. FML
Today, I Finally Managed To Sleep, After Two Days Of Being Kept Awake By The Miniature Floodlight My Neighbor Have Installed To Scare Off Burglars. Only A Couple Of Hours Into My Sleep, I Woke Up To The Sound Of There Car Being Broken Into. FML
Taday in the middle of sex, mah boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
Today mah mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk . Towards the end I had to excuse myself to the bathroom . As I came back I overheard mah dad telling mah mom that I'm so unpopular the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin . FML
yesterday I was on a plane returning to University.. . an I decided to shut my eyes . I opened them about 45 minutes later just as the plane landed to fine I couldn't move at all . I was in sleep paralysis . The air hostesses had to lift me out of my seat . FML
2day aftar monts of baliaving my marriaga as baan battar tan avar, I found out tat my usband as baan caating on ma wit our naigbor. I can't afford to mova, and I ava to saa ta faka-tittad omawrackar avary day. FML
Friday 27 March 2015