Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

oathkeeper99

Offline (6 hours ago) | Search for a member

oathkeeper99

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2820
  • Number of comments : 39
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

oathkeeper99's page activity

Visits<b>slombre</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 2:16pm<b>Salvanoi</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 1:43am<b>BasedJesus666</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 12:52am<b>rissarea</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 12:40am<b>lenardMcCravits</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 9:59pm<b>FrenchieJoking</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 8:45pm<b>feven</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 7:33pm<b>jessica7725</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 5:13pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 6:18pm<b>firefighterbee</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 1:51am<b>mansfield_j</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 8:10pm<b>wigginz</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 3:51pm<b>Ausdank</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 2:14pm<b>superwoman24357</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 2:11pm<b>AliceJen</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 1:34pm<b>adam_8181</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 12:05am<b>markusmay16</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 10:50pm<b>KRAZYKILLAKLOWN</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 10:49pm

oathkeeper99's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

See all of oathkeeper99's badges

oathkeeper99's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas' voice coming from my phone. I am 40 years old. FML

#54346
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11087) - you deserved it (61878)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by Italian_Stallion (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

#45949
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40452) - you deserved it (5661)

On 02/15/2009 at 6:35am - misc - by cjk004 - United States (California)

Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML

#15620
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28506) - you deserved it (5186)

On 02/08/2009 at 7:01pm - misc - by lil_munchkinjen (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

#10740
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33584) - you deserved it (3560)

On 02/05/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I discovered in my house a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer except me. FML

#9673
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26618) - you deserved it (7347)

On 02/05/2009 at 10:24am - health - by Tori (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

#7370
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19941) - you deserved it (34009)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:23am - animals - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

#4044
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9273) - you deserved it (44005)

On 01/31/2009 at 9:43am - intimacy - by Ah hell - United States (Ohio)

Today, I sang the itsy bitsy spider song with a class of thirty 20 somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML

#2762
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6780) - you deserved it (21288)

On 01/27/2009 at 3:10am - work - by duh - United States (South Carolina)

Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom. FML

#2256
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58973) - you deserved it (7803)

On 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by TheEnglishOne - United States (California)

Today, I'm a 23 year old girl who often has to wear two pairs of socks. I don't have four feet, but I have no boobs. FML

#1019
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18334) - you deserved it (5201)

On 01/13/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by carrie - Algeria

Today, I went into a shop, not really completely awake. To get to the upper floor, I took the escalator... in the wrong direction. After about 30 seconds (which seemed like hours) trying to climb up the wrong way, my brain started working and by that time I already had a few amused spectators watching me. FML

#722
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14649) - you deserved it (7916)

On 01/07/2009 at 12:53am - misc - by maaaryy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I have my new iPod Touch, and I'm walking down the street. Since it's really cold, I'm wearing gloves. At some point, I want to change the song, and don't want to remove my gloves. I try changing the song with my nose, for about 3 minutes, until I realize I look really stupid. FML

#665
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5186) - you deserved it (31214)

On 01/01/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by Ulysse - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML

#542
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6998) - you deserved it (23493)

On 12/18/2008 at 3:30am - misc - by Wickls - United Kingdom (London)

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

#513
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22503) - you deserved it (5833)

On 12/14/2008 at 8:14am - intimacy - by james - United Kingdom (London)



FML's blog

  • FML's Labor Day BBQ
  • The first Monday of September is a holiday in some countries, and is supposed to celebrate Labor Day. So, this means you do nothing to celebrate doing something. I'm confused.  For those of us who…

Monday 1 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: