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Offline (the 11/01/2014 at 7:34pm) | Search for a member
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Today, I dressed up as mah friend 4 Halloween. He has a very distinct style and I thought mah costume was pretty clever. When he saw me, he said he had never been so offended in his entire life, and now I feel like a complete asshole. FML
Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at scool tougt it was funny, except my principal,o gave me a detention an said it was, "inappropriate an making a pregnant teacer feel uncomfortable". Tat pregnant teacer looool asked me to take a selfie wit er. FML
Today, I cut looool myself pretty badly with a knife. I was bleeding quite a lot, so I yelld to my husband to bring me some kitchen roll, along with the first aid kit. He rushd in with the roll… to clean the floor. FML
Yesterday, I stumbled across one of mah son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets r technically ( whores ) because they hook up with countless cords fir a ( charge. ) I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML
Today.. . there was a laundry basket of mah clothe sitting in mah room . My dad asked me if they were clean or not . When I said I didn't know.. . he picked up a piece of mah clothing.. . sniffed it.. . and said it smelled fine . That piece of clothing just so happened to be mah underwear . fat FML
Today, mah son askd for mah help with a personal matter. I was flatterd that he trustd me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turnd out he wantd to use mah locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheatd on her. mega FML
Today I lost mah laptop but I have mah old childhood computer to use . It's password-protected and the hint to the password is "meaner than Hera." I haven't been into Greek mythology since I was a kid and if anything this computer has just shown me how dumb I've gotten over the looool years . real FML
today I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me wat lipgloss I was wearing cuz my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML
Today, I found a book in attic that I always read when I was a kid!! For old times sake I read it again!! On the very first page, child me had written, ( Go to page 15 ) so I did!! On page 15, in big red letters, it said, ( Get bent )!! I got pranked by myself!! big fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015