o5orn1o

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o5orn1o

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 642
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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o5orn1o's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML

by LadySteveMartin / 04/01/2013 at 8:18pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

by tkrause / 04/01/2013 at 1:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

by t.hughes / 04/01/2013 at 10:50am / United States / Love

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

by ohgodwhyyoufreaks / 04/01/2013 at 7:57am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

by immaturity all around / 03/31/2013 at 1:55pm / United States / Love

Today, I came home to visit my family for spring break, only to realize that I'd left my phone in my apartment. After a 2 hour drive back, I discovered my boyfriend with my neighbor. He panicked and pretended to be sleepwalking. FML

by Maybe I'll stay longer than spring break. / 03/31/2013 at 12:34am / United States (Virginia) / Holidays

Today, the girl I thought I was dating got into a fight with me over the phone. She did this because she bet her boyfriend that she could make me cry on FaceTime. She won the bet. FML

by J. Homen / 03/30/2013 at 6:22pm / United States / Love

Today, I went on my fifth date with my new girlfriend. Apparently, she was in such a rush while leaving work that she forgot to take off her wedding ring. FML

by unknown / 03/30/2013 at 3:02pm / France / Love

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML

by Badam / 03/29/2013 at 9:29pm / France (Aquitaine) / Love

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

by sarajj / 03/29/2013 at 5:36pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I spent the whole night and day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Being proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML

by artist / 03/29/2013 at 7:12am / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Love

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

by Hooker / 03/28/2013 at 7:58pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML

by Hellosinglelife / 03/28/2013 at 6:35pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Saint George) / Love

Today, while on vacation, I think I met my soul-mate, and quite possibly the love of my life. My vacation is to celebrate my 8-year anniversary with my husband. FML

by not funny but :( / 03/28/2013 at 12:24pm / United States (Ohio) / Holidays