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o5orn1o's favorite FMLs
Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well and good until he turned to me and said, "You know, your orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." FML
by LadySteveMartin / 04/01/2013 at 8:18pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
by tkrause / 04/01/2013 at 1:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML
by t.hughes / 04/01/2013 at 10:50am / United States / Love
Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML
by ohgodwhyyoufreaks / 04/01/2013 at 7:57am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML
by immaturity all around / 03/31/2013 at 1:55pm / United States / Love
Today, I came home to visit my family for spring break, only to realize that I'd left my phone in my apartment. After a 2 hour drive back, I discovered my boyfriend with my neighbor. He panicked and pretended to be sleepwalking. FML
by Maybe I'll stay longer than spring break. / 03/31/2013 at 12:34am / United States (Virginia) / Holidays
by J. Homen / 03/30/2013 at 6:22pm / United States / Love
by Badam / 03/29/2013 at 9:29pm / France (Aquitaine) / Love
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
by sarajj / 03/29/2013 at 5:36pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I spent the whole night and day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Being proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML
by artist / 03/29/2013 at 7:12am / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Hooker / 03/28/2013 at 7:58pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML
by Hellosinglelife / 03/28/2013 at 6:35pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Saint George) / Love
by not funny but :( / 03/28/2013 at 12:24pm / United States (Ohio) / Holidays