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nulls

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  • Number of visits : 1292
  • Number of comments : 2
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nulls's favorite FMLs

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
523 comments

I agree, your life sucks (243477) - you deserved it (32205)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

#497309
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29646) - you deserved it (110771)

On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was walking out of the grocery store and out of no where, a car backing up pretty fast speeds downs the parking lot and hits me, causing me to fall down and drop all of the groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML

#402157
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101965) - you deserved it (4020)

On 03/16/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by dxplq876 (man) - United States

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

#379533
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36151) - you deserved it (159005)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

#254929
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20015) - you deserved it (50142)

On 03/09/2009 at 8:26pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

#221148
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65088) - you deserved it (3728)

On 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm - kids - by SadDad - United States (Florida)

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

#199047
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64537) - you deserved it (3387)

On 03/03/2009 at 7:18pm - work - by samantha (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML

#197620
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29906) - you deserved it (77067)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by dad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came to work, to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML

#180985
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91218) - you deserved it (4698)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:10am - work - by oh_mylanta (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

#162461
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (155856) - you deserved it (13877)

On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

#159589
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17850) - you deserved it (84978)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:59am - kids - by tryena (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

#155544
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21560) - you deserved it (42131)

On 02/27/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by bojangles (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my mom how much she had set aside for college. She then looked and me as if I were crazy and said "Why the hell would I do anything like that?" FML

#34502
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37762) - you deserved it (3796)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Dariya (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML

#3898
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26142) - you deserved it (1463)

On 01/30/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by crakbbyaparently - United States (California)



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