About notsoluckypup : Pup. Chicago/Vegas girl at heart. In love with a guy named Eugene. I love a good laugh from FML. Feel free to drop a line :)
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notsoluckypup's favorite FMLs
by wombats / 09/28/2013 at 10:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/14/2013 at 1:23am / United States (Ohio) / Geek
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
by heyhijello / 09/09/2013 at 6:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML
by down trodden / 09/05/2013 at 3:45am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML
by Palindromesque / 09/04/2013 at 5:07am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
by ugh / 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by fml / 09/03/2013 at 2:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML
by Rapunzel1974 / 09/01/2013 at 12:29am / United States (Mississippi) / Animals
Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML
by aly55a_mariie / 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/09/2013 at 10:22am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML
by Blood on my hands / 08/07/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Animals
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm / United States / Animals
Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML
by sucker and suckatash/say don't spray / 07/17/2013 at 6:06am / United States (Hawaii) / Love
by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals