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nothing92x's favorite FMLs
Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML
by horriblefashionsense / 09/26/2013 at 11:20am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by GodSquad / 09/26/2013 at 4:06am / United Kingdom (Blackburn with Darwen) / Love
by anotherfmladdict / 09/26/2013 at 3:06am / United States (Iowa) / Kids
by NotTheSoulMate / 09/26/2013 at 2:54am / United States / Love
by monkey / 09/19/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck / 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm / Guam / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 6:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by life insurance for 1 / 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML
by fuck you retail / 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML
by MsAnonymous17 / 05/26/2013 at 7:20pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I borrowed my boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity, I clicked through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicated to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML
by bestiality? do I look like a pig? / 05/26/2013 at 4:50pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by ewwww / 05/26/2013 at 1:55pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
- Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of… Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus…