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nothing92x's favorite FMLs
Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML
by incestastic / 08/14/2010 at 7:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML
by Anonymous / 08/07/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by IllJustGetYouASweaterThen / 08/04/2010 at 3:58am / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy
Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
by Cheated / 08/03/2010 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by thanksmom / 07/19/2010 at 8:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Bellagirl / 07/19/2010 at 3:10am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML
by apple / 07/16/2010 at 3:38pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a speeding ticket. I wrote a check, and on the way to deposit my fine, I got another one. I put both fines in a box down town, and I turned around to see a cop putting a parking ticket under my wind-shield wiper. FML
by Criminal / 07/13/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (South Dakota) / Transportation
by Tp / 06/29/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I turned myself off. FML
by Anonymous / 06/17/2010 at 6:56pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 06/11/2010 at 12:56am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was in a car with my house-mate and friends after a long day of studying, when we pulled up at our place. Thinking that we were all going to hang there, I waited for everyone to start getting out. No one did. Turns out they were just waiting for me to get out so they could then leave and go out together. FML
by Unwanted / 06/10/2010 at 8:54am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my co-worker's birthday but she told me not to mention it. Feeling bad for her, I went out to buy her a card, a present, and even a small cake. It turns out that there was actually a party during our lunch break, and I was the only one in our office not invited. FML
by Anonymous / 06/05/2010 at 6:36am / United States (Ohio) / Work
Today, I waited in line at a drive-through behind a man for ten minutes. I got out of my car, cursed at him, and then asked him to give me one good reason why it would take that long to order. The man slowly explained to me that he had a stutter. FML
by Anonymous / 06/01/2010 at 5:18am / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation
Today, I went in for a doctors appointment. When I got on the scale, I was really excited to see that I'd lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the gym. The doctor then severely lectured me on the fact that I had gained twenty since my visit last year. FML
by Betty / 03/17/2010 at 2:26pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…