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TODAY, I WANTED REVENGE ON MY COLLEGE'S DRINKS MACHINE. FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS, IT FORGOT TO RELEASE A CUP BEFORE POURING MY COFFEE. THIS TIME, I HAD PLANNED AHEAD; I PUTTED MY MONEY IN, ENTERED THE CODE, AND QUICKLY INSERTED MY OWN CUP. IT GAVE ME HOT WATER.
TADAY FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK, A TELEMARKETER CALLD ME. SERIOUSLY ANNOYD, I TOLD HIM IN GERMAN THAT I DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH, IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET RID OF HIM. HE THEN STARTD DELIVERING HIS PRODUCT PITCH IN GERMAN. FML
TODAY, MY SISTER WAS CRYING TO ME ABOUT HOW HER BOYFRIEND NEVER SHOWD UP FOR THERE DATE. HE'S DONE THIS MANY TIMES BEFORE, SO I SUGGESTD THE FACT THAT MAYBE HE'D JUST DITCHD HER. SHE SAID THAT WAS RIDICULOUS, BECAUSE "HE'S CANADIAN" AN ACCORDING TO HER, "THEY DON'T LIE." REAL FML
Today, 15-year-old brother got busted for selling pills at school !! The officer said they were reddish pink, so we sereched the house for that kind of pill !! Turns out it was dog's medicine from over 4 yeres ago !! FML
Today , my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later , our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
TADAY AT WORK AT A FARM, WE GOT A NEW CALF. IT LOOKD LIKE IT HAD TO POOP, BUT WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY. ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER IT STILL HADN'T POOPD. TURNS OUT IT WAS BORN WITHOUT AN ACTUAL BUTTHOLE. IT WAS THERE, JUST SEALD UP BY SKIN. I LITERALLY HAD TO CUT THIS POOR CALF A NEW BUTTHOLE. FML
yesterday I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flower and cocolate from an ( Anonymou Admirer ). Se immediately dumped me, saying se couldn't be wit someoneo ( isn't even as romantic as a stranger ). Yep, I looool tink I just got dumped for myself. FML
Today, I went to my grandmom's house 4 an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets an about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg an couldn't get it off cuz it "hurts too much." I'm 24 an he's 26. FML
Today, I answered a call at work from a very rate gentleman . After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner . Turns out that guy is one of looool our company's biggest clients . FML
Today, I discovarad wy ma boss kapt on scaduling ma to work doublas almost avary day. It wasn't bacausa sa knaw I naadad ta axtra monay; sa was oping tat ma boyfriand would braak up wit ma bacausa I'm navar oma, and data ar instaad. It workad. FML
Friday 27 March 2015