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Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5198) - you deserved it (21244)
On 10/28/2009 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by Moody (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43521) - you deserved it (8451)
On 10/23/2009 at 3:13pm - love - by ashleyramsay (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I accepted a great job offer I've been working months to earn so I can continue to live with my fiancé here in Poland. I just found out that my work visa was denied. Now I have to fly home to Canada and reapply before coming back. This takes a month. My new job starts tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21454) - you deserved it (2141)
On 10/14/2009 at 6:03pm - work - by zlotytarasy (man) - Poland (Warszawa)
Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26802) - you deserved it (14355)
On 10/10/2009 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by perfectmoment - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17233) - you deserved it (3500)
On 10/03/2009 at 9:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my husband of five years told me he's leaving me and will be gone when I return from Iraq. When I told him I love him and asked him not to go, he said he won't file divorce papers just yet, but he's moving out-of-state because "we need time apart." I've been gone for most of the year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35531) - you deserved it (2366)
On 10/02/2009 at 12:47pm - love - by everyonesdivorced (woman) - Iraq (Baghdad)
Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34933) - you deserved it (2439)
On 10/01/2009 at 2:59am - love - by Icy (woman) - United States (Washington) - moderated by Kevin Nealon
Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33704) - you deserved it (1278)
On 10/01/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by egged (man) - Singapore - moderated by Kevin Nealon
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56414) - you deserved it (3656)
On 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by P0wned (man) - France (Bretagne)
Today, I was talking and joking with my boyfriend. He said "Hey wanna hear a joke?" I said "Yes." He said, "Our relationship." and walked away. He seriously dumped me through a one-liner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40459) - you deserved it (3591)
On 09/27/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by screwwyou (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29364) - you deserved it (2601)
On 09/27/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I was offered a position as a school crossing guard. I have a $200,000 degree in Economics from a top 20 University and was offered a position to hold a stop sign and wear a reflective vest. I was tempted to accept. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29047) - you deserved it (4797)
On 09/25/2009 at 12:11pm - work - by UnemployedGrad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was searching for a travel bag. I looked in my parents room for one. I found one alright, with all there sex toys in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12361) - you deserved it (3784)
On 09/25/2009 at 10:37am - intimacy - by R-R-R-Ray (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)
Today, I played with a boomerang my first time. I didn't believe that when you threw it, it comes right back to you. It flew back all right. And broke my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8321) - you deserved it (30384)
On 09/24/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by BOOMerang (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53928) - you deserved it (2057)
On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Monday 20 May 2013
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