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Today, it looks like I may have an STD. My fiancé and his friends went to Vegas two months ago. He says he's been completely faithful. They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Turns out that's not quite true. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36128) - you deserved it (3714)
On 02/07/2011 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by anonomous - United States (Florida)
Today, it looks like I may have an STD. My fiancé and his friends went to Vegas two months ago. He says he's been completely faithful. They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Turns out that's not quite true. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36128) - you deserved it (3714)
On 02/07/2011 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by anonomous - United States (Florida)
Today, I flirted with a guy for ten minutes before realizing I was sitting between him and his girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9191) - you deserved it (33616)
On 02/07/2011 at 12:41pm - love - by Lindsay (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24324) - you deserved it (5399)
On 02/04/2011 at 7:29pm - misc - by omnomnom (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24324) - you deserved it (5399)
On 02/04/2011 at 7:29pm - misc - by omnomnom (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41363) - you deserved it (7484)
On 01/31/2011 at 5:46pm - intimacy - by anon - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, as I went into my calculus class, the teacher announced that someone had received a negative grade on the test we were getting back. I laughed and said, "Which f*cker managed to get a negative?" Turns out I'm the dumbass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7258) - you deserved it (41280)
On 01/30/2011 at 4:24am - misc - by terrible kenny - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29879) - you deserved it (10189)
On 01/22/2011 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43843) - you deserved it (4117)
On 01/22/2011 at 8:00am - intimacy - by fmlalways - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)
Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36638) - you deserved it (2263) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47088) - you deserved it (3601)
On 01/16/2011 at 9:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I told my husband I want to lose the baby weight I put on with my recent pregnancy, and once I succeed I will go on a clothes shopping spree. To this he remarked, "So either way I'm spending money; either on food or on clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15524) - you deserved it (7502)
On 01/12/2011 at 3:23am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36794) - you deserved it (4115)
On 01/04/2011 at 5:56am - intimacy - by LoveMyNewBro -
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21092) - you deserved it (3391)
On 12/28/2010 at 5:04pm - intimacy - by whoawhoawhoa (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30812) - you deserved it (4716)
On 12/19/2010 at 7:23pm - intimacy - by hotmommy -
Monday 17 June 2013
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