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nothing92x's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 8:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Money
Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 6:00pm / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Love
Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 4:50pm / Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah) / Miscellaneous
Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 8:18am / United States (Michigan) / Love
by lex / 02/14/2013 at 6:01am / United States / Love
by Edgarillo / 02/14/2013 at 2:59am / Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money
by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 5:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by okay then / 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML
by BadLuckCarson / 02/12/2013 at 12:55am / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML
by thefriedman / 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML
by Target / 02/11/2013 at 8:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by excusemeprincess / 02/11/2013 at 12:08pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML
by mr_loveless / 02/11/2013 at 2:19am / United States / Love
- Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was… Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my… Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That…
- Today, at the beginning of my shift, my resident thought it would be funny to soak my shoes, which… Today, I've finally begun to realize that my boyfriend calls his cat more relationship pet-names in… Today, I took my a-level psychology exam. My teacher said, 'I'm not going to teach you about brain…