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nothing92x's favorite FMLs
Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML
by BestBF / 04/23/2013 at 7:22pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love
Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML
by anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML
by hatemyjob / 04/23/2013 at 2:25pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/23/2013 at 12:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML
by mybossisanass / 04/23/2013 at 4:17am / United States / Love
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML
by Stupid / 04/22/2013 at 2:58am / United States (Idaho) / Love
Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML
by Anonymous / 04/21/2013 at 7:26pm / United States / Love
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML
by Anonymous / 04/21/2013 at 1:36pm / Kuwait (Al Kuwayt) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm / Thailand / Kids
Today, my crew was called out to do some house maintenance. We were nearly done, when someone had the goddamned fucking brilliant idea of washing plaster off their hands in the kitchen sink, which clogged the pipes. Instead of getting paid, we now owe for damages. FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Work
by How strange / 04/20/2013 at 8:02am / United States / Love
by MaggotMother / 04/20/2013 at 6:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
by bhnja_ / 04/18/2013 at 4:34pm / Philippines (Mandaue) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 11:25am / United States / Work
- Today, I'm entering hour 2 of painful, very loud hiccups. I feel like my stomach is being stabbed… Today, I felt like some part of my leg needed to crack, so I was on all fours on my bed moving back… Today, I was writing an essay in my room when I smelled a fart. It was not mine, and I was the only…