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nothing92x's favorite FMLs
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm / Germany / Love
by DemiRawrs / 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm / United States / Health
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 11:55am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of two and a half years left me. To clear my head I decided to go for a drive. My car broke down on the way. The only mechanic I have ever used and trusted with my car is my boyfriend. Yes, I had to call him. FML
by brigie / 05/01/2013 at 4:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
by ChangMu / 05/01/2013 at 2:40am / United States (Iowa) / Health
Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 3:25am / France / Money
Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML
by Anonymous / 04/28/2013 at 9:57am / China (Shanghai) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2013 at 4:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, my 15-year-old brother got busted for selling pills at school. The officer said they were reddish pink, so we searched the house for that kind of pill. Turns out it was my dog's medicine from over 4 years ago. FML
by kkt / 04/25/2013 at 12:54am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 2:49pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by BIGCHEIFAAA / 04/24/2013 at 12:55am / United States (California) / Kids
by anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 12:55am / Germany / Work
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals
- Today, I learned that my parents want me to move out. Because my little brother has them convinced… Today, a customer bitched at me in front of her children for 10 minutes because I wouldn't open the… Today, I was fired for calling in sick, I've never missed a day of work before this and I've never…