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nothing92x's favorite FMLs
Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML
by magomag / 05/14/2013 at 12:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 7:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Confused / 05/13/2013 at 10:39am / United States (Maine) / Work
Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML
by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 8:01am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML
by forever alone / 05/12/2013 at 5:09pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 7 years with another woman. He panicked and blamed it on the "long distance" and how we "never see each other". We've lived in the same neighbourhood since we were 5 years old, and we've lived together for the past four years. FML
by lalalaisling / 05/08/2013 at 12:21pm / Ireland (Cork) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Carrie / 05/08/2013 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Health
by hopelesscollegechick / 05/07/2013 at 2:14pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by serialkillingex / 05/07/2013 at 3:45am / Netherlands / Love
Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML
by perfecttiming / 05/06/2013 at 11:25am / United States (California) / Work
Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2013 at 11:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML
by dancer, not a hooker... / 05/05/2013 at 1:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML
by thatonesilentkidinclass / 05/04/2013 at 4:11am / Philippines (Batangas) / Health