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notfromearth7

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notfromearth7
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8315
  • Number of comments : 18
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML

#458180
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73327) - you deserved it (3284)

On 03/19/2009 at 12:42am - love - by Fwick (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

#454917
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49512) - you deserved it (15995)

On 03/18/2009 at 10:57pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML

#377584
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38013) - you deserved it (176610)

On 03/16/2009 at 12:02pm - misc - by natty (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, "They'll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins." FML

#252783
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56571) - you deserved it (2702)

On 03/09/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by Tony (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my name was called during an assembly because I won some sort of prize. Everyone booed. FML

#232169
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64941) - you deserved it (5817)

On 03/07/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by ladeda (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, at a hard rock concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. I was inside that port-a-potty. FML

#231694
155 comments

Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML

#197450
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69047) - you deserved it (23404)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by camp (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

#195442
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60299) - you deserved it (27238)

On 03/03/2009 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by Sal (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, whom I was madly in love with, by having a plane fly over her house spelling "Marry me Abby?". After seeing this, she locked herself in her room and cried for 4 hours exclaiming that this wasn't how she wanted to be proposed to. I had invited my entire family. FML

#175270
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88527) - you deserved it (9572)

On 03/01/2009 at 8:41pm - love - by groomfail (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML

#150078
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16229) - you deserved it (45900)

On 02/27/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by beachbum (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

#145421
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16296) - you deserved it (48253)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML

Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here" He saw her. It's his daughter. She's a new-hire... running HR. FML

#141211
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11362) - you deserved it (44023)

On 02/26/2009 at 3:07am - work - by bluecollar (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
496 comments

I agree, your life sucks (213743) - you deserved it (73285)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

#27684
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65418) - you deserved it (3076)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:09pm - misc - by sober (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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