Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

notapedophile79

Online | Search for a member

notapedophile79

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 182
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

notapedophile79's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of notapedophile79's badges

notapedophile79's favorite FMLs

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

#21249089
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46380) - you deserved it (3791)

On 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by disappointedjamaican - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42961) - you deserved it (16133)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

#21233179
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42001) - you deserved it (6109)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:31am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

#21201617
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40989) - you deserved it (4036)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

#21191852
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51975) - you deserved it (4726)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:26pm - work - by justno - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

#21135849
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22628) - you deserved it (53224)

On 05/10/2014 at 4:52pm - intimacy - by vivelawank - United Kingdom

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

#21046394
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43165) - you deserved it (8208)

On 01/31/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

#21025897
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51786) - you deserved it (6511)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:00pm - health - by foreveralone - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

#21008990
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25589) - you deserved it (52695)

On 12/29/2013 at 2:01am - kids - by ConfusedDad - United States

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

#21007608
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40945) - you deserved it (5295)

On 12/27/2013 at 8:37pm - animals - by eyes wide SHIT (woman) - Australia

Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML

#20806438
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54940) - you deserved it (4235)

On 07/27/2013 at 2:31pm - kids - by poopiter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 4 perfectly happy years together. The reason? He had a dream in which his dead former girlfriend from when he was 13 told him she still loved him. He now believes his dead childhood sweetheart is trying to contact him and I'm "in the way of their love." FML

#20805936
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58119) - you deserved it (4140)

On 07/27/2013 at 3:56am - love - by Immaculatedream (woman) - New Zealand

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about how I'm jealous of her best guy friend always hanging around her. She responded by saying, "Wait, I thought you knew I was dating him too?" FML

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

#20782409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52586) - you deserved it (3456)

On 07/14/2013 at 4:08pm - love - by WTF (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend of over four years cheated on me in revenge for me abandoning our date last night. I'm a surgeon on call at the local hospital. FML

#20780398
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60883) - you deserved it (3660)

On 07/13/2013 at 5:39pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: