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notallscarsheal

Offline (the 08/17/2014 at 9:26pm) | Search for a member

notallscarsheal

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 20 October 1996 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2475
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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notallscarsheal's page activity

Visits<b>ervnomyous</b> - the 01/24/2014 at 10:24pm<b>JoelsLastNight</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 12:44am<b>AnOriginalName</b> - the 10/08/2013 at 3:27am<b>MissJennyale</b> - the 09/21/2013 at 7:43pm<b>techweed</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 9:51am<b>TheGodDamnJoker</b> - the 03/23/2013 at 6:15pm<b>HappinessForFree</b> - the 02/10/2011 at 4:25pm

notallscarsheal's FML badges

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You have thumbed 5000 comments.

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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notallscarsheal's favorite FMLs

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76711) - you deserved it (23375)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

#1751359
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69817) - you deserved it (41871)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by stpdaziandude (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

#1719560
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114975) - you deserved it (5640)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26857) - you deserved it (95597)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22962) - you deserved it (82062)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I turned 18. My parents gave me a card that read "now that you're 18, it's time for some boozy fun... you can do all the things you did before but legally!" Taped to the inside was my fake id that I "lost" three months ago. FML

#1418497
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13469) - you deserved it (60615)

On 04/28/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by owned (woman) - Singapore

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

#1382761
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89328) - you deserved it (21501)

On 04/27/2009 at 2:14am - misc - by hjgjh - United States (California)

Today, I had to go visit my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum, I then proceded to make sounds of slight pain. My grandma was, at the same moment, walking by and said "Don't masturbate in side of my bathroom you sick teen!" Now my grandma thinks I am a pervert. FML

#1313726
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50289) - you deserved it (5524)

On 04/25/2009 at 3:51am - intimacy - by bongoboy - United States (California)

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

#1308807
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22391) - you deserved it (58977)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML

#1286671
343 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24861) - you deserved it (84158)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:18am - animals - by Anonymousagb (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

#1244870
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23278) - you deserved it (73328)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by rejected (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

#1221446
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54507) - you deserved it (6480)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:02pm - love - by T-Pain (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

#1219528
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73122) - you deserved it (7396)

On 04/22/2009 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML

#1214508
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77755) - you deserved it (5285)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by RockedSystem - United States (Alabama)

Today, I got a email from my boss. He said he was going to have to let me go for missing so much work over the last week. I was laid off two months ago. I don't know what is more depressing, getting fired from a job twice or the fact it took two months for them to notice I wasn't there anymore. FML

#1189537
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60626) - you deserved it (2987)

On 04/21/2009 at 11:11am - work - by laxguy23 (man) - United States (Virginia)



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