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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46750) - you deserved it (127712)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (56294) - you deserved it (13307)
On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (56294) - you deserved it (13307)
On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83767) - you deserved it (4502)
On 04/04/2009 at 10:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (63479) - you deserved it (16083)
On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went to see my gynecologist. She was writing my symptoms up in my chart on her computer. After a little while, I noticed that she had a confused look on her face and was reading something instead. When I took a peek at the computer screen, I saw that she was Googling my symptoms. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77942) - you deserved it (2676)
On 04/03/2009 at 11:10pm - health - by blehhh (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (59997) - you deserved it (5429)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by SupaSu - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, as a joke, my friends plastic wrapped me to my bed while I was sleeping, I had an allergic reaction to the plastic and had to have the girl I like come cut me out and give me my meds. I sleep naked and was unable to put on clothes during this time. She saw me naked, swollen and with hives. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69031) - you deserved it (4437)
On 04/01/2009 at 10:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45487) - you deserved it (60596)
On 04/01/2009 at 12:51pm - work - by tsardaukar (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14192) - you deserved it (77554)
On 03/30/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by superstar (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I went to a club and my friends and I went up on the stage, then the security told me to get down and said the stage was only for girls. I'm 23. I'm a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52212) - you deserved it (4820)
On 03/29/2009 at 5:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (363033) - you deserved it (20206)
On 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML
I agree, your life sucks (79614) - you deserved it (6892)
On 03/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by VampiresSayRawr (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72171) - you deserved it (13917)
On 03/27/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by badmom (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I finally had my tongue piercing heal up so I decided to try oral on my girl. Unfortunately, she has a hood piercing that got caught on my tongue ring, and neither of us could get them apart. We had to call my mom in to solve the problem. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45091) - you deserved it (86739)
On 03/25/2009 at 5:04pm - intimacy - by Truan (man) - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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