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notallscarsheal

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notallscarsheal
  • Town/Country : Aurora, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 20 October 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 2053
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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notallscarsheal's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

#1719560
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105525) - you deserved it (4867)

On 05/07/2009 at 3:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25102) - you deserved it (92286)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20733) - you deserved it (78248)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I turned 18. My parents gave me a card that read "now that you're 18, it's time for some boozy fun... you can do all the things you did before but legally!" Taped to the inside was my fake id that I "lost" three months ago. FML

#1418497
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12729) - you deserved it (59067)

On 04/28/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by owned (woman) - Singapore

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

#1382761
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86350) - you deserved it (20773)

On 04/27/2009 at 2:14am - misc - by hjgjh - United States (California)

Today, I had to go visit my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum, I then proceded to make sounds of slight pain. My grandma was, at the same moment, walking by and said "Don't masturbate in side of my bathroom you sick teen!" Now my grandma thinks I am a pervert. FML

#1313726
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48527) - you deserved it (5343)

On 04/25/2009 at 3:51am - intimacy - by bongoboy - United States (California)

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

#1308807
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20758) - you deserved it (56695)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML

#1286671
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21193) - you deserved it (66933)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:18am - animals - by Anonymousagb (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

#1244870
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21980) - you deserved it (71481)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by rejected (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

#1221446
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51232) - you deserved it (6118)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:02pm - love - by T-Pain (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

#1219528
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65964) - you deserved it (5659)

On 04/22/2009 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML

#1214508
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69809) - you deserved it (3963)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by RockedSystem - United States (Alabama)

Today, I got a email from my boss. He said he was going to have to let me go for missing so much work over the last week. I was laid off two months ago. I don't know what is more depressing, getting fired from a job twice or the fact it took two months for them to notice I wasn't there anymore. FML

#1189537
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58526) - you deserved it (2810)

On 04/21/2009 at 11:11am - work - by laxguy23 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML

#1070820
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36268) - you deserved it (12252)

On 04/17/2009 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by shutupandsmile18 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML



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