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The Thumb returns
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Today, I Was Sleeping On An Airplane. I Dreamed That I Was Running Mah Hands Up And Down Mah Friend's Leg Sexually To Creep Him Out. I Woke Up And I Realized That I Was Running Mah Hand Up And Down The Leg Of The Old Man Sitting Next To Me.
Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told mehat it was; a moldd dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parentshen they askhat I got. FML
Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy looool 4 me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift themhen I saw the other man,ho was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informd me he was buying them 4 his wife.
Today , my friend an I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool , I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out an ran onto the deck , slipping an falling flat on my back. Her dad saw thehole thing. FML
Today, mah mother-in-law, who apparently made a copy of our house key without permission, walked in on mah husband and me doing the deed. She went crazy, yelling at me fir "defiling" her son. Last week, she yelled at me fir not having given her grand-children yet. FML
Today after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show Dexter she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red blood-like juice everywhere!! I am now afraid to argue with her!! FML
Today, in class, I reacd into ma bag to pull out a tampon, wic I id under ma sleeve so I could make a quick escape to te restroom!! My teacer yelld at me, because se tougt I'd taken out ma pone!! I ten ad to prove myself by sowing te tampon to looool te wole class!! FML
Today, mah very cheap boyfriend of four yeres proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later looool overwhelmed with emotion when mah finger turned green.
Today, mah boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, mah hand hit his shoulder and I dropped mah phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, mah dad was staring at us from outside. He still appear to think I was giving him head. fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015