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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27844) - you deserved it (9460)
On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy for me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift them when I saw the other man, who was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informed me he was buying them for his wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20490) - you deserved it (5876)
On 12/19/2012 at 6:33pm - misc - by Johnny (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10947) - you deserved it (28996)
On 12/19/2012 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21631) - you deserved it (2744)
On 12/18/2012 at 4:44pm - misc - by idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch - United States (Arizona)
Today, my mother-in-law, who apparently made a copy of our house key without permission, walked in on my husband and me doing the deed. She went crazy, yelling at me for "defiling" her son. Last week, she yelled at me for not having given her grand-children yet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47981) - you deserved it (3207)
On 12/18/2012 at 12:09pm - intimacy - by daughterinlaw (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (26291) - you deserved it (7443)
On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States
Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30125) - you deserved it (2691)
On 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by wtf - United States
Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19144) - you deserved it (2174)
On 12/16/2012 at 6:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Waterford)
Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20888) - you deserved it (2462)
On 12/15/2012 at 7:33am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25460) - you deserved it (1744)
On 12/14/2012 at 1:40am - health - by bloodyfreakinawful - United States (Texas)
Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21616) - you deserved it (3316)
On 12/12/2012 at 12:51pm - love - by dino0123 - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24739) - you deserved it (2040)
On 12/11/2012 at 2:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24859) - you deserved it (9735)
On 12/10/2012 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24859) - you deserved it (9735)
On 12/10/2012 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25755) - you deserved it (5306)
On 12/10/2012 at 2:21am - love - by Tonguetied0496 (man) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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