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notallscarsheal

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notallscarsheal
  • Town/Country : Aurora, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 20 October 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 2050
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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notallscarsheal's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

#20583013
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50458) - you deserved it (11398)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

#20579781
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13593) - you deserved it (54889)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML

#20560035
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35473) - you deserved it (6312)

On 03/25/2013 at 8:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

#20550446
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35300) - you deserved it (7893) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/18/2013 at 6:34pm - love - by inconnue - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

#20541635
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38739) - you deserved it (14703)

On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

#20533607
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50188) - you deserved it (13065)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML

#20533491
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27125) - you deserved it (3796)

On 03/06/2013 at 1:04pm - kids - by ProudMother (woman) - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

#20529387
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41597) - you deserved it (6436)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

#20521872
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47775) - you deserved it (3180) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

#20516035
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36724) - you deserved it (9880)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

#20499722
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30258) - you deserved it (4247)

On 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after heavy rain my street flooded. While in my living room, I looked outside to see that my elderly neighbour was outside splashing in a knee deep puddle. He was butt-naked and wearing a snorkel and flippers. FML

#20492744
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24285) - you deserved it (2896)

On 02/04/2013 at 4:15am - misc - by Stunned (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I finally found the courage to ask a guy I like out for a drink. He accepted, we drank, and when it came time to go home, I half-drunkenly left him my number. Once I got back home, I realized I'd actually given him my dad's number instead. FML

#20489080
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10100) - you deserved it (27401)

On 02/01/2013 at 2:59pm - love - by 3some? uh, no (woman) - Dominican Republic

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41954) - you deserved it (11608)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

#20481338
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23901) - you deserved it (2736)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)



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