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noooix

Offline (the 09/28/2014 at 10:11am) | Search for a member

noooix

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Visits<b>hannahsnyder69</b> - the 10/17/2013 at 12:39am<b>Conn3ct</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 5:33am<b>colvindj</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 5:21pm<b>Llamassss</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 5:31pm<b>Kitty19</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 5:23pm<b>mcmuffinman1</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 2:52pm<b>olpally</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 2:16pm<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 07/03/2013 at 8:25am<b>maz95</b> - the 03/24/2013 at 11:43am

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noooix's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34187) - you deserved it (4520)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43559) - you deserved it (16557)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40534) - you deserved it (25550)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

#21201617
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41043) - you deserved it (4040)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

#21174074
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43737) - you deserved it (6290)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML

#21169063
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51269) - you deserved it (11167)

On 06/10/2014 at 12:02am - love - by MiserableMan (man) - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, I had to stand in line for twenty minutes at the bank, in between two of my ex-boyfriends. FML

#21168070
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48019) - you deserved it (10368)

On 06/09/2014 at 9:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, a customer told me, "Girls your size can't bend at the waist." I couldn't stop laughing at the imagery long enough to be really offended. FML

#21161933
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34917) - you deserved it (5132)

On 06/03/2014 at 6:02pm - work - by jennythezebra (woman) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, out of habit from twelve years of karate classes, I bowed to my teacher as I exited my classroom. My chemistry classroom. FML

#21156297
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40627) - you deserved it (6526)

On 05/29/2014 at 7:32pm - work - by mathesonn - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

#21141738
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52564) - you deserved it (7355)

On 05/16/2014 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by (not) fucked - United States (Texas)

Today, one of my year 9 students finished the test an hour early. He decided to spend the time by "stealthily" whacking off. His entire desk was shaking in a silent room. FML

Today, I realized that because of my construction job, I have spent such a huge amount of time with older, cynical guys that I keep uncontrollably using the phrase "fucking kids these days" regularly like an idiot. I'm 18. FML

#21139663
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38429) - you deserved it (8107)

On 05/14/2014 at 1:45pm - work - by workfordayzz - United States

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46969) - you deserved it (6113)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

#21137389
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59872) - you deserved it (5134)

On 05/12/2014 at 1:17am - kids - by kids -

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

#21133762
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37773) - you deserved it (20058)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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