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noodlesarelove

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noodlesarelove

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  • Number of visits : 1014
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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50 favourites

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noodlesarelove's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

#19918640
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32541) - you deserved it (2026)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML

#19913255
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26014) - you deserved it (3557)

On 07/09/2012 at 3:31am - kids - by LNamesOnly (man) - Australia

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29938) - you deserved it (3580)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

#19903031
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62563) - you deserved it (5044)

On 07/07/2012 at 12:45am - health - by Dammit - United States (California)

Today, after backpacking acrossing Europe for a month, I picked up my dog from the doghouse. No one will listen to me or acknowledge the fact that he's now missing two toes. FML

#19895009
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32752) - you deserved it (2304)

On 07/05/2012 at 12:30pm - animals - by tagteam - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while riding my bike on the sidewalk, I came across a ladder. To avoid bad luck, I swerved around it into the street. I got hit by a car. FML

#19889661
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11731) - you deserved it (26483)

On 07/04/2012 at 5:04am - health - by magicman - United States

Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML

#19881608
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31675) - you deserved it (4924)

On 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by nobrony (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to throw pebbles at my bedroom window in the middle of the night. It triggered the burglar alarm, which woke up everyone in the house. If my parents didn't know I had a boyfriend before, they certainly do now. FML

#19876638
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21997) - you deserved it (4188)

On 07/01/2012 at 4:01pm - love - by Jacqueline (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, someone rang my doorbell. The moment I opened the door, a smell not unlike a cascading torrent of rotting flesh and urine hit my nostrils. I stood there for an eternity as a homeless man leaned on my door and desperately tried to convince me to buy an array of scrap metal from him. FML

#19824266
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18052) - you deserved it (2997)

On 06/21/2012 at 2:13pm - misc - by noquiero (man) - United Kingdom (Durham)

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

#19824188
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26995) - you deserved it (2515)

On 06/21/2012 at 1:43pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML

#19822134
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29420) - you deserved it (8467)

On 06/21/2012 at 1:40am - kids - by Bad Mommy - United States (California)

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

#19817936
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21947) - you deserved it (5811)

On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37300) - you deserved it (4010)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I learned that if you're going to use vicks vapor rub for a cold, you should remember to wash your hands before changing your tampon. FML

#19790692
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27001) - you deserved it (15067)

On 06/15/2012 at 2:19am - health - by sickness_sucks - Canada (British Columbia)



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