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noodlesarelove

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noodlesarelove

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  • Number of visits : 879
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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noodlesarelove's favorite FMLs

Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

#20151986
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19565) - you deserved it (6368)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML

#20150517
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27517) - you deserved it (2850)

On 11/06/2012 at 1:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

#20144510
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30492) - you deserved it (7448)

On 11/02/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML

#20141617
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21000) - you deserved it (1530)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:23pm - animals - by orilykid (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

#20124199
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17660) - you deserved it (1993)

On 10/19/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Watchtower? More like fortress. (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML

#20117570
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25650) - you deserved it (9148)

On 10/15/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

#20117322
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21355) - you deserved it (4234)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:24pm - kids - by Randolph (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML

#20115908
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20200) - you deserved it (3376)

On 10/14/2012 at 12:39am - animals - by Patrick - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

#20114686
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21643) - you deserved it (2303)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML

#20113997
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34734) - you deserved it (2844)

On 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML

Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML

Today, I'm going to be helping the love of my life pick out an engagement ring for my cousin. FML

#20107387
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27582) - you deserved it (3425)

On 10/08/2012 at 12:39pm - love - by unlucky - United States (Michigan)

Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML

#20106106
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23105) - you deserved it (1709)

On 10/07/2012 at 5:41pm - kids - by Skidmark Sally - United States (New Mexico)



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