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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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noodlesarelove

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noodlesarelove
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  • Number of visits : 241
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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noodlesarelove's favorite FMLs

Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML

#19557716 (180)

I agree, your life sucks (5798) - you deserved it (1234)

On 05/01/2012 at 9:58am - work - by Nice (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

#19557308 (172)

I agree, your life sucks (6022) - you deserved it (640)

On 05/01/2012 at 7:02am - intimacy - by epicsquishii (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

#19289453 (162)

I agree, your life sucks (4880) - you deserved it (2632)

On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

#19246597 (183)

I agree, your life sucks (7485) - you deserved it (623)

On 03/09/2012 at 5:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML

#19244068 (115)

I agree, your life sucks (20779) - you deserved it (2526)

On 03/09/2012 at 3:30am - health - by Rissa Warrington - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

#19090033 (81)

I agree, your life sucks (18950) - you deserved it (1575)

On 02/15/2012 at 10:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, someone peed in my physical education locker. The only way someone could've done it is with a ladder. I'm so popular it hurts. FML

#19084261 (153)

I agree, your life sucks (17998) - you deserved it (3143)

On 02/15/2012 at 7:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down." My whole house now smells like pee. FML

#19082292 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (7391) - you deserved it (674)

On 02/15/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by Bondi414 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I received a cute letter in my locker. It was in German, so I used Google translate. Apparently, someone hopes I choke on big fat cock. FML

#19078471 (114)

I agree, your life sucks (18594) - you deserved it (1803)

On 02/14/2012 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by kittens go meow - United States (Georgia)

Today, I walked into two things. The first was a spiderweb. The second, due to blind panic, was oncoming traffic. FML

#19072252 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (15430) - you deserved it (3289)

On 02/14/2012 at 7:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

#19066178 (164)

I agree, your life sucks (6218) - you deserved it (1187)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:31pm - kids - by Username - India

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

#19064063 (220)

I agree, your life sucks (8390) - you deserved it (1586)

On 02/13/2012 at 8:37am - intimacy - by lotrgeek (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

#19063795 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (7620) - you deserved it (700)

On 02/13/2012 at 7:03am - health - by loveinanelevator (man) -

Today, I had a debate with my girlfriend about whether giving birth or getting kicked in the balls hurts more. It ended up with her kicking me in the balls. I was the one who said giving birth hurt more. FML

#19053808 (277)

I agree, your life sucks (8977) - you deserved it (1744)

On 02/12/2012 at 1:17am - love - by OwMyBalls (man) -

Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML

#19052034 (111)

I agree, your life sucks (22343) - you deserved it (1897)

On 02/11/2012 at 10:01pm - love - by Anon - United States (Arizona)



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