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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 1028
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About noir_heart : My name is Brooke. I am sixteen years old. I blow out the candles on January 26th.

I live in a small world filled with judgmental people too absorbed in their own lives, and too fixated on the most minuscule problems to take a look at the beauty around them. My dream is to move to France and write books after I graduate. I love reading novels and drinking tea, especially on rainy days. Also, I have more perpetual cravings than the average pregnant woman on a daily basis.

The more I read this the more it sounds like something you would put in your bio on an online dating site so bye now.

noir_heart's page activity

Visits<b>cuz803</b> - the 09/02/2016 at 2:24pm<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 08/15/2016 at 3:46pm<b>Torvaltz</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 2:54am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 9:54pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 4:59am<b>FiendHunter</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 8:27am<b>paskievitchjack</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 7:58pm<b>Valukar</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 11:56pm<b>dmcintosh</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 10:22am<b>SarahSehhati</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 10:18pm<b>polarbearpiss</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 7:33pm<b>abdiG</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 2:48pm<b>music8484</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 10:24pm<b>DippinGrizzly907</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 11:57pm<b>Dawnstempest</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 9:42am<b>seroki</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 9:27am<b>Dartmania</b> - the 10/12/2013 at 9:51am<b>dumbwhitekid</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 2:51pm

Fucked!<b>cuz803</b> - the 09/02/2016 at 8:24pm

noir_heart's FML badges

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of noir_heart's badges

noir_heart's favorite FMLs

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm / United States (South Dakota) / Health

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

by interphaseprophasemetaphase / 09/04/2013 at 7:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

by my back hurts / 09/04/2013 at 1:25am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

by JustAnotherFML23 / 09/03/2013 at 9:32pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

by ugh / 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

by criminal tit offender / 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, I got all my co-workers motivated. We were all going to quit and walk out the door. I went first. I gave an emotional speech to my boss and threw my uniform to the ground. Then I turned around to to see the rest follow, they all began laughing. They didn't. They WANTED me to quit. FML

by ineedanewjob / 04/08/2009 at 8:34pm / United States (Missouri) / Work