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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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nocanhaz

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nocanhaz
  • Town/Country : Victor, New York, North America
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1049
  • Number of comments : 147
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About nocanhaz : Best things in life:
Music
Mountain biking
Food
Days that don't suck
And
awkward moments.

nocanhaz's last visitors

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nocanhaz's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML

#18998575 (106)

I agree, your life sucks (4652) - you deserved it (1128)

On 02/05/2012 at 3:00am - animals - by oh.geez (woman) - United States

Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML

#18996569 (224)

I agree, your life sucks (5074) - you deserved it (1199)

On 02/04/2012 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by dasnich (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him and offered him a special treat. He was disappointed to find I meant sex, not cookies. FML

#18992832 (232)

I agree, your life sucks (5977) - you deserved it (974)

On 02/04/2012 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

#18906599 (207)

I agree, your life sucks (1913) - you deserved it (6510)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:54am - health - by lol - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I totaled my car, because I mistook the leaves blowing across the road for a child. I swerved and hit a tree. The home owner wants to sue for "harming his tree" and hospital wants to test my mental stability. FML

#18884103 (165)

I agree, your life sucks (6468) - you deserved it (1540)

On 01/22/2012 at 8:52pm - misc - by wrecked - United States

Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML

#18798370 (118)

I agree, your life sucks (4865) - you deserved it (3850)

On 01/13/2012 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Jonkopings Lan)

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

#18766108 (222)

I agree, your life sucks (12335) - you deserved it (1271)

On 01/10/2012 at 12:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - India

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947 (441)

I agree, your life sucks (21040) - you deserved it (3600)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, my dad woke me up 3 hours early, after I had been up very late the night before, because something "awesome" happened. Apparently the cashier at Dunkin' Donuts and I share the same first name. Thanks Dad. FML

#17329183 (100)

I agree, your life sucks (19758) - you deserved it (2120)

On 08/01/2011 at 4:07am - misc - by tired (woman) - United States

Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML

#17206347 (415)

I agree, your life sucks (32671) - you deserved it (7166)

On 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm - love - by toni405 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

#17187875 (212)

I agree, your life sucks (29465) - you deserved it (3739)

On 07/20/2011 at 5:17am - intimacy - by growlr - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

#17147393 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (13009) - you deserved it (854)

On 07/17/2011 at 8:34am - love - by bigjohn106 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

#16945006 (238)

I agree, your life sucks (34604) - you deserved it (3237)

On 07/02/2011 at 2:44am - intimacy - by beardedlady - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML

#16943359 (194)

I agree, your life sucks (10923) - you deserved it (920)

On 07/02/2011 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

#16936128 (423)

I agree, your life sucks (26100) - you deserved it (3277)

On 07/01/2011 at 1:42pm - kids - by parenting sucks - United States (New York)