noahg45

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Offline (the 05/21/2016 at 12:38pm)

noahg45

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  • Number of visits : 750
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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noahg45's page activity

Visits<b>farleytb42</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 11:15am

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noahg45's favorite FMLs

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

by Mr_snuggels / 12/24/2014 at 3:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I ate at Subway during my lunch hour. A group of teenage girls sat down at the table next to mine. They all shared good laugh about the "friendless, chubby chick" sitting near them, while attempting to discreetly point at me. FML

by endure_survive / 12/14/2014 at 10:17pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she's been cheating on me for the past two months. Apparently she thought I'd take it well, because when I yelled at her for being a heartless bitch, she stuttered "S-sike!" and tried to play it off as a prank. She's acting like we're still dating. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2014 at 11:19am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I helped a very large elderly man, who thanked me and tried to hand me a dollar bill. I kindly told him, "We are not allowed to accept tips from customers." His reply was, "You're going to take this fucking money," and shoved it in my pocket. I'm now being written up for it. FML

by justinmdent / 11/23/2014 at 10:48pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

by Operation Yewtree here I come / 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

by fatty magoo / 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

by Ballsy427 / 07/25/2014 at 8:05am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

by weeping_angel_ / 07/12/2014 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2014 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was trying on bikinis at a local store. When I put my pants back on, my foot got stuck, I tripped and fell through the curtain of the fitting room, topless. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2014 at 11:24am / Germany / Intimacy

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2014 at 5:32pm / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

by sunil / 06/13/2014 at 6:53pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested for shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at first, but got busted when he tried to return it all because he "didn't like the flavor". FML

by idiotson / 06/10/2014 at 8:39pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

by outsmartedbykids / 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids