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njbane

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njbane

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  • Number of visits : 327
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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njbane's favorite FMLs

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

#21456278
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29495) - you deserved it (3564)

On 08/15/2015 at 5:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my car went missing. My sister constantly asks to borrow it, so I called her and asked if she had it. She swore blind that she didn't, so I called the cops and reported it stolen. They soon caught her driving the stolen vehicle. She blames me and is now telling everyone I set her up to be arrested. FML

#21455905
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28243) - you deserved it (1639)

On 08/14/2015 at 6:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ukraine (Donets'ka Oblast')

Today, I decided to start jogging to keep fit. I was passed about ten times by the same car, carrying four bozos whose vocabulary consisted only of, "TITTIES!" and copious amounts of giggling. FML

Today, I stayed over at my boyfriend's house for the first time. He soon found out about my sleep-talking habit. I started ranting about "electron shaming" and I apparently passionately support their "sub-atomic lifestyle". Yes, he managed to get it on video. FML

#21439547
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26033) - you deserved it (3009)

On 07/10/2015 at 12:57pm - misc - by wantmeasandwich (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I started my first job as a power line technician. My boss's first words to me were, "I have a good feeling about you, kid!" That would've been great if he hadn't said, "Although, the last time I had a good feeling, the guy died." right afterwards. FML

#21085148
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42348) - you deserved it (3455)

On 03/12/2014 at 8:11pm - work - by Anon - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML

Today, I finally got to surprise my boyfriend with a birthday cake. I spent four days planning the perfect one. First thing he says? "Erm, you know I'm 32, right?" I got his age wrong. FML

#20937690
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29513) - you deserved it (34474)

On 10/29/2013 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling me beautiful. Not knowing how to reply, I just blushed. His date got angry and left. "Sorry. I take that back," he then said. "I was just trying to get rid of her. Thanks anyway." FML

#20906907
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52594) - you deserved it (3496)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:37am - love - by okaythen (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53955) - you deserved it (7451)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia

Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML

#20883308
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54075) - you deserved it (4960)

On 09/16/2013 at 12:35am - health - by chestycough - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was playing World of Warcraft, when all of a sudden, I remembered I was supposed to be at a wedding. I was 25 minutes late to my own wedding. FML

#20880446
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23735) - you deserved it (94964)

On 09/14/2013 at 1:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, at my first day on the job, a customer threatened my life because our vending machine had run out of Doritos. FML

#20880018
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42036) - you deserved it (3178)

On 09/13/2013 at 7:13pm - work - by Anonynommer (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

#20876692
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57594) - you deserved it (12912)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by spiritbeast33 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working as a cashier, a really cute guy came up and said, "Hi Morgan". I freaked out and asked him how he knew my name. He then replied, "You have a name tag". FML

#20874687
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34014) - you deserved it (18428)

On 09/09/2013 at 5:51pm - work - by anon -

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54292) - you deserved it (19640)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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