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nitrogirl

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nitrogirl
  • Town/Country : The ghetto, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 832
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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nitrogirl's favorite FMLs

Today, whilst driving to the store, an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow. As he passed my car, I angrily gave him the finger. And then I realized I was wearing mittens. FML

Today, I realized I've been playing too much Call of Duty. I started screaming, "Spawn, b*tch! Spawn!" at my microwavable pizza while it was in the microwave. FML

#13827261
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11054) - you deserved it (48257)

On 11/13/2010 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML

#13789664
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6114) - you deserved it (54593)

On 11/10/2010 at 12:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

#13756412
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18858) - you deserved it (56874)

On 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

#13621862
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42349) - you deserved it (2935)

On 10/28/2010 at 12:27am - love - by heshay - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

#13278835
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16552) - you deserved it (40066)

On 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by caughtorangehanded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

#13158298
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10890) - you deserved it (20956)

On 09/22/2010 at 4:39pm - misc - by artmfanforever - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML

#13124550
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30536) - you deserved it (2816)

On 09/20/2010 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Thomas - United States (Oregon)

Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML

Today, I went to a school football game alone. I sat next to these hot girls. To seem cool, I picked up my phone and had a fake conversation with the coolest guy in the grade. Halfway through, he came over and talked to the girls. FML

#12997934
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6487) - you deserved it (53123)

On 09/11/2010 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my family and I argued whether getting a period or boner in the middle of class was worse. At the dinner table. FML

#12986098
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25301) - you deserved it (11786)

On 09/10/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by Me - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

#12879183
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28814) - you deserved it (4357)

On 09/03/2010 at 12:35am - kids - by Devon - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44035) - you deserved it (14247)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I had to tell my doctor the real reason why I can't sleep at night for him to prescribe me anymore Ambien: I still have the irrational fear that there are monsters in the closet. I'm 22. FML

#12616432
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16615) - you deserved it (11916)

On 08/19/2010 at 12:10am - health - by Sleeeeeep - Sent from mobile version



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