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nissa0909's favorite FMLs
Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
by paranoid / 06/06/2009 at 12:43am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall. Indecisive whether to get off and help her or to just keep going, I lost my focus and footing and flew back next to her. FML
by NoPainNoGain / 06/05/2009 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
by emoney / 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML
by airport / 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2009 at 1:10pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me "oh I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a F*ing stick for my birthday. FML
by Jon / 03/14/2009 at 2:30am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML
by Fenny / 02/27/2009 at 3:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML
by Kasizzle / 02/26/2009 at 9:13am / United States (Colorado) / Work
by AKN / 01/28/2009 at 7:33pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went downstairs to grab a snack and a glass of Silk (you know, the soymilk). When I get back to my room, I go to throw the snack on my bed to shut the door, but I tossed with the wrong hand. FML
by crystalwho / 01/20/2009 at 4:06pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
- Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping… Today, my girlfriend offered a blow job, but my hair got stuck in her braces so instead we tried to… Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel…
- Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, my economics teacher gives us a lot of photocopies, so I told her that she kills pandas by…