nissa0909

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Offline (the 04/20/2016 at 5:40am)

nissa0909

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1013
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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nissa0909's page activity

Visits<b>aliveinthelights</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 9:03pm<b>facelick</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 10:25am<b>ironhead</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 5:49pm<b>Sjus</b> - the 09/25/2013 at 5:24pm<b>BrotherPhil</b> - the 09/21/2013 at 2:18am<b>thistrifelife</b> - the 09/20/2013 at 2:57pm<b>Neyuu</b> - the 08/03/2013 at 5:26am<b>Welshite</b> - the 07/28/2013 at 7:04pm<b>fuckyourlifeOP</b> - the 07/28/2013 at 3:50am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 07/24/2013 at 2:23pm<b>Reva750</b> - the 07/19/2013 at 2:11am<b>Alwaysontherun</b> - the 05/24/2013 at 9:08pm<b>theWulff</b> - the 05/24/2013 at 2:53pm<b>1PersonIsMyWorld</b> - the 05/16/2013 at 12:11am<b>beatlesgirl2u2</b> - the 05/10/2013 at 9:16pm<b>dead_insects</b> - the 05/09/2013 at 2:16am<b>sillybilly132</b> - the 05/01/2013 at 6:25pm<b>karlcolt45</b> - the 04/29/2013 at 12:09pm

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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nissa0909's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend said he was going to give me breakfast in bed before he left. He walked over, threw some granola bars on the bed next to me and left. FML

by still hungry / 04/21/2012 at 9:04am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2012 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gun point, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

by logkitty / 04/10/2012 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Health

Today, the war against the pigeons on my veranda reached a new level. To try and get them to clear off, I gave my window pane a short, sharp knock. It broke into several shards, and not one of the totally oblivious birds moved. Pigeons 1, Me 0. FML

by Kilimanjaro / 04/03/2012 at 12:41am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I washed my sheets. They wouldn't dry quick enough, so I had to use my old Buzz Lightyear sheets. My new girlfriend took it upon herself to become a damn psychic and pay me a surprise visit right there and then. FML

by babysheets / 03/17/2012 at 12:22pm / Uruguay (Montevideo) / Love

Today, I was at a meeting. One of the other members decided to share that their cat had passed away recently. I got an uncontrollable nervous laugh, started crying because I was laughing so hard, and left the room while everyone watched in horror. FML

by Honey Badger / 03/08/2012 at 12:47am / United States / Work

Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML

by kohler9790 / 02/21/2012 at 8:29pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

by wetdreams / 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML

by liLbob6598 / 01/09/2012 at 9:34pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML

by Sleep Deprived / 12/25/2011 at 12:27am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm / United States / Love

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

by hannahlorraine / 11/24/2011 at 10:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

by whyyy / 11/21/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML

by ohdear / 10/31/2011 at 11:38am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy