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nisey3313

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nisey3313

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  • Number of visits : 4663
  • Number of comments : 45
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Visits<b>justme_79</b> - the 09/14/2013 at 3:35am<b>UnluckyGenius</b> - the 04/12/2013 at 3:54am<b>perdix</b> - the 09/13/2010 at 10:49pm

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nisey3313's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
430 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44662) - you deserved it (4098)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, my boyfriend discovered you can send sound clips as text messages. So far I've heard 5 of his farts in the past half hour. FML

#19315515
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24780) - you deserved it (3658)

On 03/20/2012 at 6:33pm - love - by anonymous - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

#19088946
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15869) - you deserved it (29304)

On 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

#17848518
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49113) - you deserved it (3770)

On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML

#17153294
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44182) - you deserved it (3896)

On 07/17/2011 at 8:04pm - intimacy - by Cinnamon (man) - Jamaica (Saint Andrew)

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

#17147393
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39809) - you deserved it (2819)

On 07/17/2011 at 8:34am - love - by bigjohn106 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74050) - you deserved it (7713)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

#17063070
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59441) - you deserved it (3049)

On 07/11/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

#16998038
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53653) - you deserved it (16782)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:26am - intimacy - by devilboy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

#16998038
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53653) - you deserved it (16782)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:26am - intimacy - by devilboy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

#16998038
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53653) - you deserved it (16782)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:26am - intimacy - by devilboy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

#16998038
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53653) - you deserved it (16782)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:26am - intimacy - by devilboy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

#16936128
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37199) - you deserved it (5040)

On 07/01/2011 at 1:42pm - kids - by parenting sucks - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter told me that my head is shaped like a kidney bean and that I'm lucky she even talks to me in public. She's 6. FML

#16881052
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38485) - you deserved it (5133)

On 06/27/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by MakeMyDay_27 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

#16508942
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64688) - you deserved it (3809)

On 06/05/2011 at 1:17am - love - by dumped - United States (Utah)



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