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TODAY I WAS FEELING SICK AND FAINTD WHILE TEACHING MY KINDERGARTEN CLASS . I CUMMD TO WHEN ONE BOY POURD A CUP OF WATER ON MY FACE . THREE KIDS WERE CRYING INTO MY WALKIE TALKIE TELLING THE OFFICE I WAS DEAD, AND THE REST OF THE CLASS HAD DISAPPEARD . FML
2day It's Been Two Months Since I Got A Kitten. He Loves To Hide, An Then Surprise Me By Jumping Out Of His Hiding Place. It Was Quite A Surprise When He Launched Himself Out Of Mah Bag During Class. FML
Today, wile moving into new place, I saw new, elderly neigbor sitting on er porc. I ceerfully greeted er wit, ( Hello, ow r you? ) Se simply rocked slowly in er cair and replied, ( Just waiting to die. ) Se was te most ceerful person I met all day.
Today, I trid to motivate mah 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, an not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
Today hile shopping my six-year-old son threw a tantrum cuz I wouldn't buy him a video game . I ended up having to grab his arm an leave the store . He screamed that I was kidnapping him athich point I was socked in the face an pinned to the floor by three bystanders . FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the grl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part washen she got angryhen I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder your still a vrgin!" FML
Yesterday, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confrontd her, she claimd she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returnd to our apartment and actually trid to act as if nothing had happend. FML
TODAY, I ASKED MY GRLFRIEND WY SE NEVER LETS ME IN ER OUSE. SE STARED BLANKLY AND SAID, "WAT IS INSIDE IS NOT FOR TINE EYES." I TOLD ER BEST FRIEND ABOUT TIS CREEPINES LATER ON. SE SIGED AND SAID, "T'WAS NOT FOR MINE EYES EITER. I DIDST FAIL TO LISTEN." I FEEL LIKE I'M LOOSING MY MIND ERE. FML
Today... I Woke Up To A Really Cold Feeling Down Below. I Opend Mah Eyes And Saw Mah Girlfriend Grinning Like A Maniac And Holding Mah Crotch-sausage Between Two Scissor Blades. I Screamd In Terror Like A Little Bitch... And She Says I'm Never Gonna Live This Down. FML
Friday 27 March 2015