About ninjuh_wingman : I'm a ninja.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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Today, is my 21st birthday. I get home after my night out and walk into the garage to see a 2002 Red Corvette convertible. I run up to the car thinking its a gift and there's a note: "Dani this is not your birthday present. Quit drooling on my car. -Dad" Thanks Dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46224) - you deserved it (9608)
On 04/19/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by scarletdurose88 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35664) - you deserved it (12134)
On 04/17/2009 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by shutupandsmile18 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70062) - you deserved it (3733)
On 04/17/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Safe - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I dont pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well technically my fiancée." FML
I agree, your life sucks (61378) - you deserved it (9480)
On 04/15/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by oops123 - United States (Missouri)
Today, my mom asked if she could use my red dress for her two-week trip to the Caribbean. I said no, because I was going to a party and I wanted to wear it. She called me a selfish, greedy bitch who would stay single forever. I paid for her plane ticket, her hotel fees and her cruise ship fee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (144768) - you deserved it (8112)
On 04/14/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML
I agree, your life sucks (88224) - you deserved it (6565)
On 04/13/2009 at 8:07am - intimacy - by bodyelectric (woman) - United States
Today, I was at a pool party. My friend's little sister pushed me in the pool. When I got out, I pushed her in. She started screaming, and I started laughing because I thought she was pissed that I pushed her in. That wasn't why she was screaming. She can't swim. Her whole family witnessed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40542) - you deserved it (14260)
On 04/12/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by imbx (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was the first one to wear the ugly corporate shirts we received. The people in my office-all of them guys were all saying that it looked a lot better than they thought it would. Later that day I went to the toilet and saw the shirt gapes open in front and you could see my boobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36119) - you deserved it (12818)
On 04/09/2009 at 4:44am - work - by Uglyshirts (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72165) - you deserved it (2649)
On 04/06/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by omgn00blolz89 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, we were swimming in gym class. There are some cute girls in our class and they were wearing their bikinis. I was looking at them when I got an erection but since I was underwater I thought no one would see. I'm on the diving team so my teacher asked me to demonstrate a dive to the class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52164) - you deserved it (11695)
On 04/01/2009 at 8:16am - intimacy - by easilyexited (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went with my girlfriend to the mall. We were looking at jewellery in Zales and she came across the engagement rings. She looks at one and says, "Are you kidding me? That ring is hideous and it's the most expensive one here! Who the fuck would buy that?" Well, that would be me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53995) - you deserved it (4474)
On 03/31/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by jkl54 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I woke up to 70 new text messages and 100 calls all from numbers I didn't know. The night before I got into a heated argument with my old best friend about who was prettier. She got mad and posted my number on Craigslist as a prostitute. Apparently I won. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61068) - you deserved it (16761)
On 03/31/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22564) - you deserved it (65033)
On 03/29/2009 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137507) - you deserved it (24608)
On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20186) - you deserved it (62046)
On 03/25/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by ohhotdamn (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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