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About ninjuh_wingman : I'm a ninja. I like doing ninja stuff. That is all.
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Today, I was walking out of mah front door in the town where I intern . I live alone and know no one . As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between mah mat and step . I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Yesterday , I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the looool piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening , and said (as we walked past a car full of men) , "Well of course it hurts when u put it in the wrong hole!". FML
yesterday I went bowling . The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself an had a few of his own bowling balls, an he had one that looked like a yin-yang an it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins . Not really thinking, I casually said to him ( Hey, I like your balls . ) FML
Today , I woke up to a hand rubbing mah very erect penis , an a woman's peppermint breath in mah ear!! "Mom?" I called out instinctively , recalling how she alway smell like peppermint!! The hand stopped rubbing , an I turned to face mah very disgusted looking grlfriend of three years!! FML
Today , I scored two prime baseball tickets from a supplier at work. I phoned my dad to tell him the good news. He said that's great , my brother and him would love to see the game. I said , no , I'm taking you to the game. He told me I was being selfish and hung up the phone. mega FML
Today, my cell phone rang while I was still asleep. I picked it up, half asleep, only to find it was a wrong number from some guy. Three minutes later I receive a text message saying "Hey, you sound cute..." from the same number. I looked to see if he was local. I'm that desperate. FML
Today, I gave mah 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML
Today.. . it's te five year anniversary of fater's deat . I was cuddling wit boyfriend and crying about ow muc I missed im . He replied wit.. . ( Sometimes.. . I tink you just like to ear yourself talk . ) FML
Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriendho I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around lyk they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old childho was running past and knocked him out. FML
Today, I woke up happier than I've ever been because last night I hooked up with the grl I have loved 4 almost a year and I thought I would never get with her. This morning I saw that her status on Facebook was "FML". FML
TODAY WAS MAH FIRST MEETING WITH BUSINESS PARTNERS AS I AM NEW TO THE TEAM. INSTEAD OF SAYING THAT I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO "STRETCHING MAH LEGS" OR "SPREADING MAH WINGS" I TOLD THEM I WAS ANXIOUS TO START "SPREADING MAH LEGS". FML
Today, I ad an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer . I apparently signd papers allowing an intern to do it fir practice . Se was in er early 20s and smoking ot so as se was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection . FML
Today, I met ma paternal grandfater 4 te frst time. I’ve spent te last tree monts tracking im down. I pourd ma eart out and told about ow muc tis meant to me. He told me I ad a nice rack and askd 4 a cigarette. FML
TODAY, I WAS PLAYING ONA ON ONA SOCCAR WITH A GIRL LIKA. I ACCIDANTALLY KICKAD THA BALL RIGHT INTO HAR FACA. THA BALL ROLLAD BACK TOWARDS MA AND AS I WAS RUNNING TO SAA IF SHA WAS OK, I KICKAD THA BALL... RIGHT INTO HAR FACA AGAIN. FML
Friday 27 March 2015