About ninjuh_wingman : I'm a ninja.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53364) - you deserved it (2612)
On 06/01/2009 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by biker2012 (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42206) - you deserved it (5988)
On 05/31/2009 at 10:05pm - love - by rain (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. She celebrated her birthday two months ago. She decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56388) - you deserved it (3386)
On 05/31/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by Samantha (woman) - Singapore
Today, I was walking the beach and I saw my crush walking towards me. I was thinking about what I was going to do while playing with my top that ties in the front. I decided that I was just going to smile. When we got closer to each other I smiled and waved as I put my hand up it untied my top. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29384) - you deserved it (11776)
On 05/31/2009 at 5:43am - misc - by sierra808 (woman) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55086) - you deserved it (2663)
On 05/26/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by Anon (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46141) - you deserved it (13115)
On 05/26/2009 at 12:38am - kids - by tsakashvili (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53447) - you deserved it (2283)
On 05/22/2009 at 4:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75267) - you deserved it (35496)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I decided to go tanning. I went outside and took my top off and laid out in the sun for about an hour. When I was about to go inside a phone rang. It belonged to one of the five men that were working on my roof and watching me the entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8925) - you deserved it (52217)
On 05/20/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by fihifgni210 - United States (Florida)
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
I agree, your life sucks (62225) - you deserved it (2189)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by emoney (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (60123) - you deserved it (6121)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11988) - you deserved it (40048)
On 05/18/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by nothing (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24301) - you deserved it (67657)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I scored two prime baseball tickets from a supplier at work. I phoned my dad to tell him the good news. He said that's great, my brother and him would love to see the game. I said, no, I'm taking you to the game. He told me I was being selfish and hung up the phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54458) - you deserved it (1801)
On 05/14/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by Hank (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my cell phone rang while I was still asleep. I picked it up, half asleep, only to find it was a wrong number from some guy. Three minutes later I receive a text message saying "Hey, you sound cute..." from the same number. I looked to see if he was local. I'm that desperate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46027) - you deserved it (7233)
On 05/13/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by paprgrl421 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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