About ninjuh_wingman : I'm a ninja.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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Today, my husband of one week lost his wedding ring while we were preparing for a dinner party. After a thorough search and no luck, I started to cry. He told me to quit being a drama queen because we had guests. He then got drunk with his friends, puked on the patio, and called me a bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58629) - you deserved it (7998)
On 06/28/2009 at 12:05pm - love - by honeymoonisover (woman) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (102608) - you deserved it (6301)
On 06/27/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan
Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72815) - you deserved it (10106)
On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (182183) - you deserved it (25556)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28933) - you deserved it (14974)
On 06/21/2009 at 6:10pm - kids - by loli-conned (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend. I decided it'd be funny to photoshop a penis onto one of the pictures. I'm straight and the new picture turned me on more than before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9408) - you deserved it (45781)
On 06/18/2009 at 7:39pm - love - by AlexK (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)
Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44820) - you deserved it (3275)
On 06/17/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by automaticfail_00 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was reading a book lying in my bed. I looked outside my window not to see the beautiful weather, but to see my creepy 70 year old neighbor staring at me with giant binaculars, then winks at me. I babysit his grandchildren this weekend, at his house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33114) - you deserved it (1469)
On 06/17/2009 at 12:56am - misc - by Siehidbkdnd (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I used a porta-potty. After I came out, my mom came out of one and said "I really wish I could wash my hands." I explained that I used the little soap bar that was on the side of the toilet in mine. She told me that was a urinal and the soap bar was a disinfectant bar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11994) - you deserved it (42673)
On 06/15/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by hockeyfanaticx87 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my sister and I got fitted for bridesmaid's dresses. It was pretty sheer material, so I took off my bright pink thong and left it on the changing room hanger. As I was looking at myself in the mirror, a woman came out of the room holding my thong. She had tried it on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36956) - you deserved it (7227)
On 06/13/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by anonymous1 - United States (California)
Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17662) - you deserved it (43104)
On 06/10/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by sluttydancer (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my husband and I decided to get a little frisky in bed. After we were done we lay spent on our bed then only to hear weird noises coming from our doorway. To our surprise not only had our daughter taken her first steps but has been watching and now making the noises as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43721) - you deserved it (22234)
On 06/09/2009 at 11:36am - intimacy - by PreciousIve - United States (New York)
Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9769) - you deserved it (55420)
On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was babysitting a little boy. I opened up a new bottle of bubbles and it was all goopy and gross so I said "Eww!". The boy then asks, "What's "ew" mean?". I replied with, "Something gross and yucky". Then he pointed at my face and say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (44274) - you deserved it (6274)
On 06/06/2009 at 12:23pm - kids - by EwFace (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14866) - you deserved it (43428)
On 06/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by boinger (man) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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