About ninjuh_wingman : I'm a ninja.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said "Here, you're repaid." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27331) - you deserved it (30046)
On 08/30/2009 at 8:19am - love - by regected (man) - United States (California)
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29930) - you deserved it (3051)
On 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by Ben (man) - United States
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51073) - you deserved it (2550)
On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I had my sweet sixteen party. All my best friends came to the microphone to make a little speech. When my boyfriend came to do his, he broke up with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52848) - you deserved it (4805)
On 08/20/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by 16isntsweet (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12588) - you deserved it (32721)
On 08/20/2009 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45758) - you deserved it (5602)
On 08/19/2009 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by kneesarethenewdesk (man) - United Kingdom (York)
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50338) - you deserved it (5371)
On 08/16/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39452) - you deserved it (2781)
On 08/14/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by twingirl (woman) - United States (Delaware)
Today, I was at a clothing store. I tried on a dress, but decided it was too much for me. Taking it off, I realize my hair was tangled in the big security button. The employees had to bring me to the front of the store, lay me on the counter, and take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32806) - you deserved it (2843)
On 08/12/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by ForeverEmbarrassed (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I came home on leave from a 7 month deployment to Iraq. I wanted to see my girlfriend today, but she needed to spend time with her sick grandmother. As it turns out, her sick grandmother and my cousin are the same person. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48421) - you deserved it (2313)
On 08/12/2009 at 2:01am - love - by FUSMC (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63547) - you deserved it (5107)
On 08/06/2009 at 10:03pm - love - by Jeremy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was walking around Walmart feeling pretty good about myself as I received numerous looks from guys in passing. All of a sudden a man approached me to tell me that my dress was extremely see-through. And, since I was wearing a thong, he and everyone else could totally see my ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7774) - you deserved it (6758)
On 07/31/2009 at 9:43am - misc - by EmBAREassed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said "I wish all the weight I gained just went to my boobs." His reply was, "They'd be HUGE." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32042) - you deserved it (18509)
On 07/27/2009 at 9:49am - love - by not-that-fat (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my boyfriend said he couldn't come to my grandfathers funeral because he was at his cottage and couldn't make it. Later that day, when driving home from the graveyard I saw him walking down the street, with another girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43796) - you deserved it (2073)
On 07/24/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by Lyingboyfriend (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was walking through a heavy door at work, so I reached behind me to catch it so it wouldn't slam shut. Little did I know that my boss was walking through right after me. Instead of catching the door, I caught a handful of his crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40335) - you deserved it (3833)
On 07/23/2009 at 4:23pm - work - by bossgroper (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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