Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

ninjapiratejesus

Search for a member

ninjapiratejesus

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 546
  • Number of comments : 73
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About ninjapiratejesus : I love food, running, video games, and my boyfriend :) What else could I need in life?

I am hoping to cosplay as Citra from Far Cry 3 in the near future...

I like all music; especially anything by Muse, Radiohead, Imagine Dragons, Metric, The Killers, The Gorillaz, Of Monsters and Men, Coldplay, The Shins, U2, Deadmau5, and Glitch Mob.

The Walking Dead is amazing.

ninjapiratejesus's page activity

Visits<b>hailstorm187</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 10:37pm<b>shady_fox77</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 4:49pm<b>mattrd</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 12:05pm<b>Korohi</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 1:30am<b>nomallama</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 10:14pm<b>Thales_</b> - the 04/02/2014 at 6:09pm<b>cokeman666</b> - the 03/03/2014 at 10:43am<b>Pwn17</b> - the 11/30/2013 at 4:56am<b>starlight300</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 8:55am<b>snydeeli000</b> - the 09/29/2013 at 4:14pm<b>Rilerz6996</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 4:43pm<b>philbelfrage</b> - the 03/13/2013 at 2:32pm<b>Blackcatluck</b> - the 03/03/2013 at 10:39pm<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 02/21/2013 at 5:10am<b>kintazaxD</b> - the 02/08/2013 at 10:36pm<b>tacojauns</b> - the 01/24/2013 at 12:11am<b>sythe511</b> - the 01/23/2013 at 11:14pm<b>MrBrightside21</b> - the 01/22/2013 at 10:51pm

ninjapiratejesus's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of ninjapiratejesus's badges

ninjapiratejesus's favorite FMLs

Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML

#20473479
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37976) - you deserved it (2397)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:16pm - kids - by Female (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML

#20109009
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17604) - you deserved it (6969)

On 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had to explain to my 22-year-old boyfriend that mice do not grow up to be rats. FML

#20096649
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20425) - you deserved it (2358)

On 10/01/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my book bag was so heavy that it set off my car's passenger detection system in the front seat. I had to buckle in my textbooks. FML

#20068805
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23016) - you deserved it (3262)

On 09/12/2012 at 12:05pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got rear-ended. An old woman got out and came over to my car window. I thought she was coming to apologize and trade insurance companies. Instead, she poured her soda on my head, ran back into her car, and drove away. FML

#20050170
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23137) - you deserved it (1452)

On 08/30/2012 at 10:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML

#20047830
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31201) - you deserved it (6102)

On 08/29/2012 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML

#20047830
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31201) - you deserved it (6102)

On 08/29/2012 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML

#20043967
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29395) - you deserved it (2473)

On 08/27/2012 at 2:45am - misc - by masterman - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML

#20043967
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29395) - you deserved it (2473)

On 08/27/2012 at 2:45am - misc - by masterman - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML

#19981576
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25263) - you deserved it (2073)

On 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10715) - you deserved it (36827)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML

#19840064
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22847) - you deserved it (1649)

On 06/24/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by Boar - United States (New Mexico)

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML

Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML

#19793957
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21330) - you deserved it (1537)

On 06/15/2012 at 7:31pm - health - by davav74 (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: