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nikkigrl303's FML badges
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nikkigrl303's favorite FMLs
Today, I donated a dollar to a kids charity at Lowe's. The cashier handed me a star to sign my name, I signed it and gave it back to her. She looked at me with disgust and asked what was wrong with me. I had to pull out my license to prove to her that my name is really Michael Myers. FML
by M1CHA3L_MY3RZ / 03/01/2016 at 8:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/27/2015 at 10:21am / Mexico / Health
Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML
by HiddlePuff / 05/14/2015 at 8:42am / Australia / Work
by cricketsins / 05/14/2015 at 1:11am / United States / Animals
by Muralove / 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Geek
Today, I got a friend request on Facebook. It's from the person who crashed into my car earlier in the month. It's funny that she doesn't return my calls or messages, but liked my status about the accident. FML
by iamgodzilla / 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by headache / 02/22/2015 at 8:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by tdrtnlz / 05/11/2013 at 2:25am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love
by left-out / 02/17/2013 at 2:38am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML
by protoplasm stole my seat / 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML
by geewhy / 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML
by anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 2:05am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by KayleeXLoVe21 / 11/03/2011 at 7:48pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…