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nightwolf240's favorite FMLs
by Peter Steele love / 10/17/2015 at 8:49pm / United Kingdom (North Somerset) / Intimacy
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a pansy and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
by Anonymous / 10/17/2015 at 7:41am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, four days after moving into my new house, I woke up to a guy yelling "Fuck you, Claire" followed by a brick smashing through my living room window. Now I know why Claire was so eager to finalize the sale. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 1:12pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 10:29am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my mom and dad went to court to negotiate child support for me and my brothers. During the meeting, my dad was asked, "Sir, are you saying that the only reason you want your sons to live with you full time is so you don't have to pay child support?" To which he responded, "Yes." FML
by vanillapudding6 / 10/13/2015 at 9:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by whydoihavecats / 08/04/2015 at 3:19pm / United Kingdom / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/03/2015 at 11:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML
by funnnyyyyy -_- / 08/01/2015 at 4:29am / Nepal / Animals
Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2015 at 12:10am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML
by Crap / 07/29/2015 at 8:57pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by Oopsie / 07/28/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/27/2015 at 8:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML
by NoOrdinaryNZer / 07/27/2015 at 5:25am / New Zealand (Bay of Plenty) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…