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nightwolf240

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nightwolf240

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  • Number of visits : 459
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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nightwolf240's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

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nightwolf240's favorite FMLs

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

#21364648
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3948) - you deserved it (379)

On 02/27/2015 at 2:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I won a pool game against some guy. His friends started mocking him for getting his ass whooped by a pregnant girl who couldn't even lean over the table. He got mad, swung his pool stick at them, missed, and hit me right in the face. FML

#21364532
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17264) - you deserved it (1179)

On 02/27/2015 at 10:29am - misc - by MCForty (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

#21364495
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20193) - you deserved it (1814)

On 02/27/2015 at 9:13am - love - by shoggoth_wild - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

#21360286
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20984) - you deserved it (26600)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27008) - you deserved it (3681)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML

#21360063
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25839) - you deserved it (2113)

On 02/20/2015 at 9:54pm - animals - by fml (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

#21359908
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28462) - you deserved it (2292)

On 02/20/2015 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while talking with my ex, I mentioned I was depressed about turning 40. He said he'd been depressed about turning 40 as well, until he started screwing hot 20-somethings. We were still together when he turned 40. FML

#21357283
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32250) - you deserved it (3262)

On 02/16/2015 at 11:39am - intimacy - by notdaddy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

#21356659
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32592) - you deserved it (2692)

On 02/15/2015 at 12:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark

Today, my daughter got her first period. Nobody was home but my husband. He didn't know what to do, except give her a sponge to put in her underwear. FML

#21356191
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35040) - you deserved it (3378)

On 02/14/2015 at 7:34pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

#21355947
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28534) - you deserved it (8920)

On 02/14/2015 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

#21355574
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34434) - you deserved it (2902)

On 02/13/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my grandma rushed into my work and told my manager I had to leave due to a family emergency. Panicked, I ran to get my stuff and ran to the car. When I asked what had happened, she replied, "I needed someone to go see 50 Shades of Grey with me." FML

#21355550
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32896) - you deserved it (3368)

On 02/13/2015 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML

#21350765
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19747) - you deserved it (35861)

On 02/06/2015 at 3:06am - work - by fucked - Singapore

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

#21349904
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36397) - you deserved it (4278)

On 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by MIB thingy please... (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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