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nightwolf240

Offline (the 11/01/2015 at 6:21am) | Search for a member

nightwolf240

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  • Number of visits : 1637
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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nightwolf240's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML

#21481233
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24891) - you deserved it (17470)

On 10/17/2015 at 8:49pm - intimacy - by Peter Steele love (woman) - United Kingdom (North Somerset)

Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a pansy and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML

#21481024
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23606) - you deserved it (4041)

On 10/17/2015 at 7:41am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, four days after moving into my new house, I woke up to a guy yelling "Fuck you, Claire" followed by a brick smashing through my living room window. Now I know why Claire was so eager to finalize the sale. FML

#21480763
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25703) - you deserved it (1439)

On 10/16/2015 at 1:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

#21479950
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24989) - you deserved it (2861)

On 10/14/2015 at 10:29am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom and dad went to court to negotiate child support for me and my brothers. During the meeting, my dad was asked, "Sir, are you saying that the only reason you want your sons to live with you full time is so you don't have to pay child support?" To which he responded, "Yes." FML

#21479731
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25479) - you deserved it (1446)

On 10/13/2015 at 9:21pm - misc - by vanillapudding6 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

#21451813
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25058) - you deserved it (2518)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:19pm - animals - by whydoihavecats - United Kingdom

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

#21451285
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27297) - you deserved it (14545)

On 08/03/2015 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

#21450341
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25316) - you deserved it (6149)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:29am - animals - by funnnyyyyy -_- (woman) - Nepal

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

#21450259
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29367) - you deserved it (3001)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:10am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

#21449227
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27433) - you deserved it (1581)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:57pm - health - by Crap (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a revolving door got the better of me. I made it into the crowded lobby, unlike my skirt. Bad day to wear a thong. FML

#21448563
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27874) - you deserved it (3541)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:18pm - misc - by Oopsie - United States (Vermont)

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31407) - you deserved it (2660)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

#21448024
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27253) - you deserved it (2044)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found out my pregnant sister has been watching Teen Mom 2 to find out how to be a good parent. FML

#21447950
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28475) - you deserved it (2079)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

#21447917
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26245) - you deserved it (5194)

On 07/27/2015 at 5:25am - misc - by NoOrdinaryNZer - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)



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