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nightwolf240

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nightwolf240

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  • Number of visits : 524
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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nightwolf240's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML

#21382840
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33334) - you deserved it (2283)

On 03/28/2015 at 5:20am - intimacy - by soontobewidow (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

#21382327
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25472) - you deserved it (2744)

On 03/27/2015 at 9:29am - kids - by njh - Ireland

Today, I tore my ACL while doing physical therapy that's supposed to keep me from tearing my ACL. FML

#21381900
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28891) - you deserved it (2122)

On 03/26/2015 at 2:36pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayne Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

#21381305
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28814) - you deserved it (4234)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

#21369938
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32526) - you deserved it (3028)

On 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

#21369892
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27099) - you deserved it (2713)

On 03/07/2015 at 11:59am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I watched in horror from the doorway as my brother furiously scratched at his greasy hair and ate the large flakes of dead skin that came loose from his scalp. I think our real dad might be caged in a zoo somewhere. FML

#21369858
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27001) - you deserved it (2078)

On 03/07/2015 at 10:58am - misc - by GROSS (woman) - Bangladesh

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

#21368964
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43016) - you deserved it (19434)

On 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML

#21368890
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35027) - you deserved it (2781)

On 03/05/2015 at 8:38pm - love - by Not Homeless - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

#21368886
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35517) - you deserved it (2401)

On 03/05/2015 at 8:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, during a meal out with my team and bosses, I wasn't drinking. The waiter complained, "If you're not ordering alcohol, how am I supposed to take advantage of you later?" I'm not sure what's worse, the rapey pre-dinner joke or the awkward silence as my colleagues looked on. FML

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

#21368822
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26114) - you deserved it (1)

On 03/05/2015 at 6:34pm - health - by bushwhacker (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

#21368771
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24170) - you deserved it (2087)

On 03/05/2015 at 5:34pm - misc - by Why? - United States (Colorado)

Today, during a family game of "Cards Against Humanity," I had to explain to my mom what queefing is. FML

Today, while walking out of a store eating a candy bar, a homeless man tried to run up and steal my candy. I stuck a leg out and tripped him. The only thing I could think of to yell at him was, "Swiper no Swiping". My kids have ruined my coolness. FML

#21366982
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6) - you deserved it (3)

On 03/02/2015 at 11:57pm - misc - by Dad (man) - United States (Florida)



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Friday 27 March 2015

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