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nightstrike3's favorite FMLs
by melmel / 05/05/2014 at 1:07am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Sam / 05/04/2014 at 2:12am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML
by fuckingfloridahowihatethee / 04/26/2014 at 3:55pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2014 at 5:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by stupiddog / 04/15/2014 at 8:08am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone, when suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. FML
by Ieri / 04/12/2014 at 5:56pm / Albania / Love
by Great / 04/08/2014 at 9:42pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML
by Anonymous / 04/05/2014 at 12:04am / United States (New Mexico) / Kids
by wiona / 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
by ashamed father / 03/09/2014 at 6:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML
Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
by mariana / 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by knobbed / 01/27/2014 at 6:09pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Health
Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
by Anonymous / 01/21/2014 at 7:55pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/16/2014 at 9:51pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, I went over to my crush's house for the first time. Everything was going great until his dog… Today, I went to a grad school fair. Tuition costs more than I make in a year. I'm thirty. I think… Today, I was trying to avoid one of our dogs while driving down the drive. Instead I crashed into a…