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Offline (the 03/09/2015 at 11:11pm) | Search for a member
About nightbirdblue : I had some great statement to say about FML earlier, but i forgot it.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies,hen a kid cummed over, yelled ( CUP CHECK! ) an nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Million of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatas mom did was chuckle nervously an pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML
2day I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthd 8-year-old I've ever met . After I survivd three hours of it, his parents finally cummd home . He claimd I'd invitd a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening . They believd him . I didn't get paid, to say the least . FML
TODAY, I CLIMBED INTO BED WITH MAH SLEEPING BOYFRIEND AFTER A LONG SHIFT AT WORK. HE IMMEDIATELY ROLLED OVER, CLAMPED MAH LEG BETWEEN HIS KNEES, AND STARTED VICIOUSLY HUMPING IT. THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME NOW, AND HE STILL DOESN'T BELIEVE THAT HE EVEN DOES IT. MEGA FML
Today, mah friend announcd that she'd lost wieght recently. As I was congratulating her, mah baby sister said, ( I think you're still fat but that's good cuz you can give more meat to Godhen you go to heaven. ) Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML
Today, I saw the script fir the end of year assembly skit I'm forcd to participate in. Looks like on mah last day of high school, I'll be running around in a rainbow unicorn costume in front of mah entire high school and there parents. FML
Today, Mah Mother-in-law Came Over 4 Dinner. She Decided To Salt The Food I Was Preparing Without Even Tasting It Frst, Then Complained At Dinner That I'd Used Too Much Salt. She Then Lectured Me On The Proper Seasoning Of Food 4 The Rest Of The Evening. Mega FML
Today, mah friend started his frst day of work with me. I thought it'd be fun, but he's been putting on an obnoxious fake French accent an saying ( merde ) whenever anything goes wrong. Half the women at the office want his dick, an I'm still as single as ever. FML
Friday 27 March 2015