About nightbirdblue : I had some great statement to say about FML earlier, but i forgot it.
nightbirdblue's FML badges
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
nightbirdblue's favorite FMLs
Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML
by Annomymous / 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by LD / 01/23/2015 at 11:46am / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy
Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML
by Ineedlotsofwater / 01/23/2015 at 11:41am / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML
by Mishlette / 01/23/2015 at 8:27am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Work
by annoyed / 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML
by Anonymous / 01/22/2015 at 1:27pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by mdg41 / 01/22/2015 at 12:55pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by burningman / 01/22/2015 at 5:40am / Germany (Hessen) / Transportation
Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML
by Anonymous / 01/22/2015 at 1:41am / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML
by Anonymous / 01/21/2015 at 6:57am / United States (Michigan) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/21/2015 at 3:33am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML
Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML
by frozenpoo / 01/20/2015 at 9:05pm / United States / Kids
Today, I texted my boyfriend a few dirty messages at lunch time and told him how badly I wanted him home. He texted back lecturing me on how I shouldn't be so drunk so early. I was totally sober, but now I need a drink. FML
by fun in functioning, I suppose / 01/20/2015 at 2:54pm / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy
Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML
by mybfthecrossdresser / 01/20/2015 at 10:08am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
- Today, as a freelancing musician, I had to pass on the best gig I've ever been offered (worth over… Today, I found out my hours at work were getting cut and given to another employee. Not only are my… Today, my best friend of 12 years told me she couldn't attend my wedding. What was so important to…