niftyismybitch

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niftyismybitch

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 932
  • Number of comments : 58
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About niftyismybitch : Natalie Portman or Diane Kruger?

niftyismybitch's page activity

Visits<b>2simz</b> - the 07/16/2016 at 12:39am<b>tattooed_bb</b> - the 07/16/2016 at 12:18am<b>Beautymarked</b> - the 07/15/2016 at 2:06pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 9:34pm<b>frecklesrose93</b> - the 07/12/2016 at 9:46pm<b>kokopuffs3</b> - the 07/12/2016 at 1:57am<b>hmrhoades</b> - the 07/06/2016 at 6:00pm<b>jerbear91</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 4:32am<b>walker9879</b> - the 07/04/2016 at 3:26pm<b>vikky538</b> - the 07/04/2016 at 9:37am<b>EnderHorse</b> - the 07/03/2016 at 3:37pm<b>Fredrick010</b> - the 07/03/2016 at 3:11pm<b>greenfishbait</b> - the 07/03/2016 at 12:19pm<b>Nathan_Henry</b> - the 07/03/2016 at 10:16am<b>FrizzyGuide</b> - the 07/03/2016 at 10:15am<b>Miss_Whipped</b> - the 07/02/2016 at 12:18am<b>GAeroNKissR</b> - the 07/01/2016 at 9:17am<b>missa8604</b> - the 07/01/2016 at 7:32am

Fucked!<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/15/2016 at 3:34am<b>walker9879</b> - the 07/04/2016 at 5:53pm<b>Miss_Whipped</b> - the 07/02/2016 at 6:18am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 7:20pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 1:45am

niftyismybitch's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of niftyismybitch's badges

niftyismybitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my son flopping around on the floor with a blanket wrapped around his legs. Apparently at age 22, he'd rather pretend to be a mermaid than go out and get a damn job. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2016 at 12:09am / Kids

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML

by That_Indian_Guy / 11/15/2014 at 8:25am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2014 at 1:37pm / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

by MegasaurusRex89 / 10/17/2014 at 8:04pm / United States (California) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML

by Ryuun12 / 10/02/2014 at 11:20pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2014 at 3:26pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

by regretsteachinghighschool / 11/05/2013 at 8:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss brought her cat to work. At one point, I looked up and everyone was staring at me staring at the cat's asshole. FML

by failure / 10/10/2013 at 10:11am / Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Animals

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

by Bailey / 08/22/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2009 at 2:04am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

by thatsucks / 02/28/2009 at 6:10am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love